Poem: ‘Trust Yourself’

This one was almost-written three-days ago and I spent a little time about an hour ago finishing it off. I’ll explain it at the end of this post but, for now, I’ll leave you to read and I hope you enjoy. 🙂

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Poem: ‘Surround Sound’

After writing my last post, I spent an hour sat back (almost lying) on top of my bed. I tried watching TV for a bit, only to find that The Simpsons wasn’t on after all and, I’d missed the local news. I’d already seen both episodes of The Big Bang Theory over on E4 so, I went to a radio station (Planet Rock, which is still playing now). After a ten-minute nap, I reached for my notebook and began to write.

I’ve been back at my mum’s house for almost a whole month now and it’s been strange settling in with all the various noises surrounding me, after sixteen-months of near-isolation (well, it was a detached building). This poem started as something written about my fears and discomfort with all these disturbances but, look back at it and wonder if there might be another message from my subconscious…

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Calm But Curious

Since Sunday, I’ve found myself in two social situations where I might usual feel uncomfortable, with symptoms of anxiety might kick in. My sister recently celebrated her birthday and so, we’ve been out for two pub meals with different parts of the family. Both times, I wasn’t the one in control so, I guess that helps to relieve any feelings of stress of pressure. Also, I was amongst friends and family that I knew, even if I don’t get to see some of them very often. I even managed to sit through an entire meal next to my dad without coming too close to losing my temper!

I’ve been meditating each evening for almost one week now and, I wonder whether this is a sign that it is helping and that my situation is beginning to improve…

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Can Pee, Won’t Pee

My first post on this site was one where I explained my experiences throughout life with one form of Toilet Phobia. While I am now far and beyond the majority of the problems and complications I suffered with this through childhood, there is another issue that bears some relevance. It’s something I’ve lived with for over ten-years now, perhaps even longer. I’ve spoken to my GP about it on several occasions and I’ve even been referred to a urologist twice in three years. But, I find myself suffering alone with this, several times every single day.

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Job Dissatisfaction

Thinking back through my employment history (stretching back just over ten-years now, including part-time work), I’ve not really had one job that I can say I’ve truly enjoyed. I try not to make a secret of the fact that I dislike the job I’m in at the moment (except for when I’m in work) and, although I like to think that I’d be ‘happier’ doing something else, well, I’ve worked in other places and, even when I have my ‘good’ days, I’ve never truly been able to say that I’ve enjoyed a single job that I’ve had.

In this post, I’m going to try and talk briefly about my work history, in the hope of recognising and understanding any signs and symptoms of anxiety, so that I can aim to improve my current life and my future.

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This is fantastic!! My blog hasn’t been active for long but I just managed to catch it in time to have some of my own poems included. Everyone is so talented and should feel so proud of what we have achieved and created together. 🙂

The Depressed Moose

I did it, I DID IT!!

I have published a second book. It is the poetry book that I was talking about has been uploaded to smashwords and is alive!!

over 40 people have contributed poems to the book and I am very very very proud of myself today! This book will hopefully raise some money for Mind from sales as well.

The book can be found here please help spread the word!

 

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Poem: ‘Message Not Received?’

One more for today and perhaps the last one for a little while, as my little book of secrets is beginning to look thin on filled pages. There’s a lot of work-in-progress and I still have a lot to work through in my mind so, with the encouragement I’ve already received, I’m hopeful that I can continue these writings/poems/whatever-they-are in good time.

This one was written approximately one week after the last, when May and I first met in person. Despite several attempts at messaging her, our communication had gone silent and I was confused, to say the least. I now have a greater understanding of why this has happened and, why it stills continues infrequently now. At the time though, I had some thoughts that I needed to write down.

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Poem: ‘Meeting May’

As today doesn’t seem to be getting any ‘better’, I can’t even find the local news on TV and, with all the clouds in the sky causing darkness to creep in early, I find myself again sat at my laptop, ready to share at least one more poem with you today.

This was written in mid-to-late June, only hours after meeting ‘May’ in person for the very first time, on a rare sunny day (at least until the evening), after weeks of chatting online.

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Just wanted to share this post with you all. In my counselling session last week, we talked about the risks associated with striving for the impossible (perfection) and how we should instead learn to appreciate and accept our own, personal ‘excellence’.

Moment Matters

The pressure to be perfect can be often overwhelming.
by Lisa Boyle of Fashion Hungry

When conjuring up the image of a perfectionist, what often springs to mind is an immaculate, glossy-haired woman with a spick and span house and an impressive career to boot. However while many perfectionists may seem perfectly in control on the outside, on the inside they might be telling a whole different story.

I have always been a bit of a perfectionist. Whether it comes to work, keeping fit or organising work events, I get utterly frustrated if things don’t go as planned. To paint a clearer picture – when things don’t go seamlessly, I often end up a crumpled, neurotic mess. I’m not sure what drives my need to get things perfect – but I am sure there are many women out there who can relate.

In today’s society, we are continually met with…

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Poem: ‘Work, Sleep, Repeat!’

Flicking through the pages, there’s another piece of my ‘short-writing’ that I’d like to share with you right now. The afternoon is passing quickly and my thoughts are already turning to waking up at 6am (usually sooner), ready for another depressing day at work, starting at 7am. I hate the day-job I have now, about as much as I’ve hated every other; each one for different reasons.

What I hate most of all though, is that I don’t ever seem to do anything on a weekend. I went out to see family yesterday afternoon but, I’ve spent most of today lying in bed, listening to music. I could blame the rain but, it’s not really the weather’s fault. I’m like this every Sunday; living the same old routine, without actually ‘living’, or so it feels.

Life should be about balance, I believe – and, that is something I do not have right now.

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