Poem: ‘Trust Yourself’

This one was almost-written three-days ago and I spent a little time about an hour ago finishing it off. I’ll explain it at the end of this post but, for now, I’ll leave you to read and I hope you enjoy. 🙂

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Poem: ‘Surround Sound’

After writing my last post, I spent an hour sat back (almost lying) on top of my bed. I tried watching TV for a bit, only to find that The Simpsons wasn’t on after all and, I’d missed the local news. I’d already seen both episodes of The Big Bang Theory over on E4 so, I went to a radio station (Planet Rock, which is still playing now). After a ten-minute nap, I reached for my notebook and began to write.

I’ve been back at my mum’s house for almost a whole month now and it’s been strange settling in with all the various noises surrounding me, after sixteen-months of near-isolation (well, it was a detached building). This poem started as something written about my fears and discomfort with all these disturbances but, look back at it and wonder if there might be another message from my subconscious…

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Calm But Curious

Since Sunday, I’ve found myself in two social situations where I might usual feel uncomfortable, with symptoms of anxiety might kick in. My sister recently celebrated her birthday and so, we’ve been out for two pub meals with different parts of the family. Both times, I wasn’t the one in control so, I guess that helps to relieve any feelings of stress of pressure. Also, I was amongst friends and family that I knew, even if I don’t get to see some of them very often. I even managed to sit through an entire meal next to my dad without coming too close to losing my temper!

I’ve been meditating each evening for almost one week now and, I wonder whether this is a sign that it is helping and that my situation is beginning to improve…

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Can Pee, Won’t Pee

My first post on this site was one where I explained my experiences throughout life with one form of Toilet Phobia. While I am now far and beyond the majority of the problems and complications I suffered with this through childhood, there is another issue that bears some relevance. It’s something I’ve lived with for over ten-years now, perhaps even longer. I’ve spoken to my GP about it on several occasions and I’ve even been referred to a urologist twice in three years. But, I find myself suffering alone with this, several times every single day.

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Job Dissatisfaction

Thinking back through my employment history (stretching back just over ten-years now, including part-time work), I’ve not really had one job that I can say I’ve truly enjoyed. I try not to make a secret of the fact that I dislike the job I’m in at the moment (except for when I’m in work) and, although I like to think that I’d be ‘happier’ doing something else, well, I’ve worked in other places and, even when I have my ‘good’ days, I’ve never truly been able to say that I’ve enjoyed a single job that I’ve had.

In this post, I’m going to try and talk briefly about my work history, in the hope of recognising and understanding any signs and symptoms of anxiety, so that I can aim to improve my current life and my future.

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Poem: ‘Message Not Received?’

One more for today and perhaps the last one for a little while, as my little book of secrets is beginning to look thin on filled pages. There’s a lot of work-in-progress and I still have a lot to work through in my mind so, with the encouragement I’ve already received, I’m hopeful that I can continue these writings/poems/whatever-they-are in good time.

This one was written approximately one week after the last, when May and I first met in person. Despite several attempts at messaging her, our communication had gone silent and I was confused, to say the least. I now have a greater understanding of why this has happened and, why it stills continues infrequently now. At the time though, I had some thoughts that I needed to write down.

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