This blog’s only been running for a few days and I’m trying quite hard to get some content on here in the hope of bringing in an audience of followers and readers. Along with that, I also read my share of other blogs (one of the reasons I decided to start anonymously blogging about my own thoughts and fears – this is a unique community) and I’ve noticed how some other bloggers seem to have these incredible, lucid dreams. I struggle to remember many of mine as they seem so brief at times and the memory is so faint once I awaken. There are a couple that I can recall from recent weeks and I’d like to try and share one of them with you now. It didn’t just stay in my mind because it was ‘memorable’; it actually terrified me!
This was only one week or so before I moved back to my mum’s home and out of an unhappy place where I’d been living, unsettled, for the previous sixteen months. I don’t know how much significance there is in that as it’s the first time I’ve ever had a dream like it. I was lying to my right-hand side. It was pitch black (no street lighting; only the moon) but I can remember having my eyes open and being able to stare at the top corner of my canvas wardrobe. So, I’d assume my eyes were open. Next, I felt something (like a large finger) press in to the back of my head and I could feel myself sliding closer to the edge of my bed – I was being pushed off by this unknown, invisible force! Yet, I was paralysed and powerless to do anything about it! No resistance! In a state of panic, my breathing accelerated to a point at which I believe I was hyperventilating. I’ve never consciously experienced a panic attackmyself but, I imagine it feels very similar to this. Struggling to breathe, my heart was pounding then, suddenly, I woke up. I felt the air on my skin again. I had not moved an inch and, that ‘finger’ was merely a portion of one of the spare pillows and I was breathing like normal. Slightly alarmed and perhaps over-heated but, I felt as though I was safe. It was just a bizarre dream that I do not really understand. I moved back to mum’s at the beginning of this month and, just over a week ago, I had another dream where I was hyperventilating in the same way. This time, I couldn’t remember any other details; just that feeling of being unable to breathe and suffering.
To me, it sounds as though I also suffered from sleep paralysis in the same instance.
I wonder why?
As I said earlier, I’ve never knowingly suffered from a panic attack but, as I do get anxious in certain social situations, particularly amongst large crowds and noise, it is always something I’ve feared. I know people who have suffered; people close to me. My ex-girlfriend ‘broke-down’ while we were out on Valentine’s Day and my failed attempts at trying to comfort her triggered off a series of events that led to that being the last time I saw her (she pushed me away and locked the door). Is it something psychological to do with my counselling sessions, where we’ve talked in great detail about the symptoms of anxiety, particularly in social situations. There’s one other dream, from nearly five-years ago, that’s always stayed in my mind. I’ll go in to that one in a separate post though – there’s a bit of ‘love’, depression and maybe even precognition in that tale! 😉
Thanks for reading.