It’s a Bank Holiday Monday, the rain is pouring down outside and, as I don’t currently have anything better to do with my time, I thought I’d write about another memorable dream (nothing planned for the day, although have my eye on my sister’s birthday cake – I should try to find the card I bought for her as well!). This one occurred around Christmas time 2007; on the even of 2008, nearly five-years ago now.
Psychologically, I was in a real mess. I’d planned (in my head) for several months that I was going to walk out of my job at this time because it was making me so miserable and low just being there that other people had begun to comment and ask me about it. Maybe it wasn’t the job or the company; after six-years there, I really needed a change. Even a break-away would help, I thought.
Knowing what I was going to do, I felt guilty and low all throughout Christmas with family. There were days were I couldn’t sleep and I can remember one occasion where I blacked out whilst sat on the foot of my bed. I blacked out a second time as well. That first day back came around and, I made up some excuse about not being well; coercing my mum in to phoning in sick for me. This lasted for a few days; I physically couldn’t drag myself out of bed each morning for a 7.30am start in the cold of January. I’d been deliberately arriving ten-minutes late for many months by now. The managing director had shouted at me, after several ‘warnings’ through my own manager. Working in close proximity to a sour-faced, selfish, bitter and twisted old man didn’t help with my esteem either. He was the sort of person who demanded everything, moaned when he didn’t get his way and would go behind your back to stab you whenever you did something even minutely wrong or, if you just did something that he didn’t like or approve. I still see him around now, as he lives in the neighbouring village. I look him right in the eye as I walk past, angry. His head is always down.
That’s a bit of background for you on how I was feeling at the time. I also remember breaking in to tears one morning when I couldn’t even face a day college (which I always enjoyed, twice a week). Now, let’s get on to the dream…
There were two parts to this. Even now, I struggle to remember which order they were it and even if they were part of the same dream or, did I become concious briefly between the two? One of them was a date that appeared; while numbers against a black background. Imagine the title screen from LOST, without motion:
I’ve never been one to believe in fate (although, that is beginning to change…) but, I immediately felt as though something dark, bad and terrible was going to befall my life on this date. Was this my date of expiration?! Would something terrible happen to someone close to me? I waited for months (through unemployment), anticipating a very bad event…
Before I go in to that, I’ll try to describe the main part of this dream…
It was an underwater setting where I was able to swim around and breathe without any difficulty (sometimes, I can’t even walk on a pavement in my dreams). I think back to scenes from the Little Mermaid when I try to remember this but, it was more ‘real’. So, perhaps a comparison to my vision of Atlantis is more appropriate? I no longer remember who I was with or what exactly I was looking for (…There might have been something inside a whale?!).
Towards the end of the dream, I approached the surface of the water to find the silhouette of a tall, feminine figure obscuring the moon beneath a starry night sky. Long, dark hair. A near-perfect form. Was she a goddess? My guardian angel?!? I should perhaps add that I’m not religious in any way.
The was the end of the dream, as I remember it. Yes, I’m certain now that ‘the date’ came first. This women didn’t say a word and, because of the moonlight, her face was too dark to see. All I could recognise was her slender form and the hair.
Perhaps now, I should tell you what happened on the dreaded day, almost one-year later…
Due to my state of mind at the time of the dream, I’d been anticipating a bad event for many months. I had an appointment at the opticians this day. It was a twelve-mile drive from home and I felt certain as though I was going to make this my last visit to them, before switching to another branch closer to where I live. I told the receptionist of my arrival and took a seat, waiting to see the usual women. After a few minutes of staring at the floor, an unknown voice called for me. I’d not seen or met her before. Her appearance was ‘unconventional’ – bright red hair (dyed/coloured), grey tights/leggings and a green skirt. Maybe it was an elf-theme for Christmas?! I remember my first thoughts being “Great! They’ve given me the ugly one with the big pointy nose!“. As we went in to the room and I sat in the chair though, my perception of her quickly began to change.
She became as beautiful and sweet as the voice that had earlier beckoned me. She had a wonderful smile. Nervous, as if she hadn’t been in the job that long but, she was very good at making eye contact. A little shy, perhaps? She kept dropping lenses when attempting to change them in ‘those glass they make you wear‘ (I’m sure you know the ones!) and, when it came to closely (face-to-face) examining the back of my eyes with the torch/camera, she stopped breathing, just as I would usually do. It was awkward but, not in a panicking kind of way.
I felt something and I always believed as though she felt something in that day as well. Is this what the date was for – the first day that I would truly fall in love with someone? Something more than a simple physical attraction?
Before we left the room, she asked if there was anything else I’d like to ask her… My thoughts immediately turned to asking her out. As I didn’t know how and wasn’t even confident enough to consider a cup of coffee or tea, I kept my distance. She handed me my lenses over the counter and we said goodbye. She was very softly spoken, with a lot of warmth coming from the fixation in her eyes. Maybe I read too much in to these things and she was just embarrassed about dropping things earlier?
Sadly, I’ve not seen her again since. Actually, I did catch a glimpse of her when I returned for a follow-up appointment a month later. She walked past me but I was so lacking in self-confidence that I couldn’t raise my head to even make eye contact and I’ve always regretted that. My check-up came and I was back with the ‘usual’ face. Every time I’ve been back to that place since, I hope to see her but, I never have done.
For a few months after this event, I must admit that I became almost stalker-like in my actions… The college I was attending at the time was only a few miles away and so, rather than spend an hour crawling through cross-town traffic to escape the city, I would decide (on a Friday usually, but sometimes during lunch breaks) I would decide to pass through the options, which is actually just one store in part of a larger shopping centre complex. I’d usually head down to WH Smiths and flick through a few magazines to pass the time; occasionally buying something. Every so often, I’d need a bottle of cleaning solution for my contact lenses and also, I’d need to order and purchase the lenses as well (I never ordered them over the phone). Again, this was all in the hope of catching another glimpse of her. Hoping to make eye contact and that a spark would ignite from there… There was a great deal of risk involved and it never payed off. It sounds crazy, I’m sure!
That’s the only dream I can think of where I can remember having ‘predicted’ a future event in my life. However, there have been many other events and brief experiences where I’ve experienced a sensation of deja-vu; as if I’ve already seen or lived through something before.
Thinking back to that feminine vision, she didn’t perfectly match the girl I met in the options on that day. In actual fact, ‘May’ (who I’ve known since May and have fallen for), is more identical. Even her hair is the same on certain days and she shares a very similar form and figure. Both May and the young optometrist share the same hair colour and a similar style overall…
What was that I said about not believing in fate?!? 🙂
Thank you for reading.