Day 4 – Something You Have to Forgive Someone For

This one seems a little tricky but, ultimately, I feel it’s going to come down to some issue with or regarding my father…

Day 4 – ‘Something You Have to Forgive Someone For’

There haven’t been many points in my life where I’ve fallen out with someone. When I was in primary school, one of my friends turned my best-friend against me in a fit of jealousy. I think I’ve forgiven him over the years and, to be honest, I’d forgotten all about then before my mum bought it up a couple of months ago. So, I feel I’m ‘clean’ with all of that.

This year, I fell out with ‘Jan’ (which you will read about, as soon as I can finish the draft I’ve started!). That was more of her doing and I will try to explain that when I write about it. She blamed me for everything and, with her, I’ve always felt as though I’m the one waiting for forgiveness.

Towards the end of July, I fell out with ‘April’, who I felt was getting too close and interfering (not to mention the jealousy) in the time since I had met ‘May’. She accused me of being two hung up on some other girl for the two of us to be friends at the time and, to be honest, I don’t blame her for that; she had a very good point. I was. I don’t know if I want her forgiveness or friendship right now. I certainly don’t seek it as we’ve not communicated since. She would need to forgive me, in any case.

So, again, I’m back heading down towards thoughts of my distant relationship with my father…

As I child, he wasn’t always around. I mean, he was home a lot (working) but, he was always too busy and pre-occupied with his work or some job. He rarely seemed to make quality time for the rest of our family and, to be honest, the only other memories I have of him are of being smacked and, the fear the inevitable happening when I had done something that he didn’t approve of.

In more recent years (since being a teenager and their divorce), he has made efforts to be a better father, I must admit. He’s generally not someone that I want around though as I have so many negative feelings surrounding him. In his presence, I’m agitated and irritable. Short-tempered, I am not myself. Far from comfortable.

He’s not going to win ‘Reformed Dad of the Year‘ or anything and I don’t really want much to do with him. Still, I kind of like to think that I may be able to forgive him one day… I am a good person and I fear that it could haunt me once that door is closed and locked for good. Today, is not that day. There are issues here that I feel I need to discuss with my counsellor soon (I’ve been deliberately neglecting it) and, sometimes, I get the impression that he just ‘doesn’t remember’ what we all went through as a family in those early years.

Today is not that day but, I thank you all for reading.


6 comments on “Day 4 – Something You Have to Forgive Someone For

  1. Sparrow says:

    Wanting to forgive someone is a good start 🙂
    One thing to keep in mind, forgiving is something we have to constantly work at. We might feel we’ve forgiven someone, only to have it go away and have to work at it again. I think it takes practice.
    I don’t know…I thought I had forgiven someone, and then a whole bunch of hurt and anger came back.

  2. I understand what you mean about wanting to forgive someone, maybe you will one day. All the best.

  3. Good job on you for wanting to forgive your father. It sounds like you’re moving towards it. I seriously doubt your father will admit to being cold, neglectful, absent, whatever you wish to call it because usually they don’t. By ‘they’ I mean unhealthy types.

    From my own experience and reading other people’s blogs sharing similar experiences, the parents or family member doesn’t tend to admit to being wrong or having hurt you. So the best you can do is forgive him for his parental short-comings and inadequacies.

    Recognize he did as well as could with the tools he had at the time and likely didn’t realize how he affected you. Try and have compassion for him first. That may help the forgiveness come a little more easily. It’s how I managed to forgive my mother.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself though if you can’t forgive him anytime soon. It will come when you’re ready.

    • Thank you.

      But I’m not sure whether I would actually need to tell him that I forgive him (I know he wouldn’t acknowledge) or, if I can just forgive him in my own mind?

      • Oh, no you don’t need to tell him you forgive him. I meant just to yourself-in your own mind. No point in telling him you forgive him b/c he’d likely just be defensive. In fact you only really need to forgive him if you WANT to. It is for yourself really. I forgave my mother to allow myself some peace and freedom from the anger I’d been holding onto. It was NOT for HER. It was for MY own benefit. Do what you feel is right for YOU 🙂

      • Thank you, that makes a lot of sense. I would like to be able to relieve myself of all the anger and tension that rises when he’s around (or, even, if we just speak on the phone).

Please, feel free to share your thoughts.

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