Today’s topic suggests that there have been times where I’ve doubted the significance to my continued existence and, like so many people, these thoughts have plagued my mind on many occasions. I can even recall thinking about it at the age of five, sat cross-legged on the floor in a school assembly. I’ve had the thoughts and I’ve even considered my methods and approach to the day but, I’ve never had the serious intent to follow it through (maybe I should carefully consider this for another post?).
Maybe there’s an element of fear that’s held me back in the past; all the unanswered questions and the risk that it may not go as according to plan. I can’t think of any one thing (or person) that has ‘kept me alive’ in the past but, I can certainly think of one person in my life today who has given me new reason to live.
Day 7 – Someone Who Has Made My Life Worth Living For
In case you hadn’t already guessed, it is ‘May’; the young woman I frequently mention and refer to on these pages.
I initially met her through a dating website and, after a few messages where we shared some of our secrets, past experiences and discovered an understanding for one another, she revealed that (like my ex, as you may also have read), she had also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
Following everything I’d been through less than three-months earlier, I was feeling concerned that I may be heading for an action replay… We continued talking though and I re-read the messages she’d already sent me. It was clear that she was nothing like ‘Jan’. If she hadn’t have mentioned it, I would never have guessed that she was bipolar. Symptoms of depression would’ve come up at some point but, she seemed like such a genuine, kind-hearted person.
She told me about her past and the terrible abuse she received during school (which I won’t share on this site, out of respect for May’s privacy). Thoughts and possibilities that she had previously contemplated; fear and anxiety that still plagued her life today… Yet, there she was; an incredible artist with her own style, an interest in culture and so many passions for the creative world… In her day job, she was excelling at her managerial position in a retail business and, in the short time I’ve known her, she’s progressed another step up the ladder!
To discover and meet someone who can go so far; someone who doesn’t give up too easily, in spite of everything that tries hard to bring her to the ground… I could continue writing on this page but, even using my own words, I wouldn’t be able to describe just how much she has inspired me to keep moving forwards.
She has given me hope; I glimpse of a better future and the growing belief that I will not spend the rest of my days alone in isolation. A reason to confront my fears, to seek further help and to work towards a better life that only sat back and ‘waited’ for.
I value her friendship more than anything else I have experienced in my life. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like to but, she holds a permanent position both in my mind and, in my heart. I feel I could go as far as to say that I love her but, right now, I’m just happy that we are able to share our lives and for the opportunity that has bought us together as friends. 🙂