I could pick out one of several friendships from my childhood and, even, one or two acquaintances I’ve made through work. For whatever reason, people seem to disappear from my life once that common ‘thing’ (work, college, etc.) has ended. It doesn’t matter how I may feel about them as a friend and, how much I may wish to stay in touch; it never seems to happen.
Even re-connecting with people through Facebook doesn’t make any difference.
Day 9 – Someone I Didn’t Want to Let Go, But Just Drifted
When we think of these memories, it’s easy to recollect the most recent ones and, in this case, one of my most recent ‘regrets’ (over two-years, now) is also one of the most important. I’ve lost childhood friends down other paths but, I feel that this one was different because of the ‘man’ I have slowly become. We found common ground through a keen interest in the course we were studying and, we were both as active as each other in further pursuing this activity away from the classroom.
I’ll refer to him only as ‘Harry’, as it’s not his real name. He was one of those people with a real ‘get-up-and-go’ attitude; never afraid to try something new and challenge himself; always keen and eager to try new things; always upbeat and ready to go.
After our second year of the three (knowing that we would both be returning to the course in September), he shook my hand and made the suggestion to stay in touch and, even, if I wanted to suggest about meeting up and doing anything over the summer. We stayed in touch (mostly through e-mail) but, due to my own insecurities and tortoise-like nature (at the time), I never suggested the possibility of anything more. I never even asked what he was up to, besides our main shared interest. He always seemed to have a lot of other things going on (that was my impression) and, if I’m honest, I feared that I (with my mood) would only be dragging or slowing him down; that I would not compare to his other friends outside of college. I was afraid of getting too close, knowing we still had another ten-months of the course to come.
We drifted apart in the summer of 2010 and even our communication began to dry up. It took me just over two-years but, only a few weeks ago, I sent him an e-mail in an attempt to catch up…
To this day, he still hasn’t replied. I had a look at his Facebook page and I realised that I added him some time ago – it still says ‘Friend Requested’ or ‘Pending’ so, if that wasn’t earlier this year, it would’ve certainly been late last year when I added him. He wasn’t always immediate in responding to e-mails as I was but, I really would’ve expected a reply by now.
I do still have his number but, for me, that’s always a very personal way of communicating with someone… When you haven’t spoken in a number of years, it feels like e-mail would be the most respected option, not sent with a text message. I worry that he may no longer be interested as I’ve ‘neglected’ him for so long (I feel like I’ve been there before). I know where he works (self-employed) or, at least, where he was based in 2010. If I’m in that area of Bristol again, I’ll try to drop in and surprise him.
Writing this makes me feel as though my counsellor was right (not that I ever questioned their opinion)… I do put a barrier to protect myself from others and I am afraid of potentially getting hurt. Not that Harry was the sort of person to hurt others so, what am I really afraid of?