Clock Watching

Earlier this evening, I completed my second day (and second week) on my short fiction writing course. It was a great lesson in the sense that I know I’ve learnt several things about writing and character development, even in such an early stage of the twelve-week course. Yep, it sounds quite scary when I put it like that – only ten-weeks to go and then, I’m supposed to have my short story complete…! :-S

Although I know I’ve made a lot of progress (through counselling and meditation) in taking steps towards combating my social anxiety; being in that classroom again, today, I continually noticed myself watching the clock (my watch), waiting for the two-hour lesson to end so that I could ‘escape’ and get out of there.

It’s a terrible feeling that has always haunted me throughout school and other college courses. It doesn’t seem to matter even when I’m enjoying my time there; I would much prefer to be in the comfort of my own life in my own home. I can’t figure it out!

I’m managing to stay positive in these lessons and it’s not as though I’m falling behind with the work. If anything, I’m more open with my opinions than ever before in our discussions. The persistent thought of having to ‘share’ at the end of each session does concern me and, I’m sure it adds to my writer’s block in the class but, I really don’t know why I can’t just enjoy it.

I feel fairly relaxed and would like to try and get to know some of the people. But, I fear that, as before; these twelve-weeks will be over before I know it and, I’ll have little to show for it apart from a few thousands words on a page (or two).

I’m just running with my thoughts here. I’m not currently depressed, anxious or even that worried about this; it’s simply a concern that I’m aware of. Taking my watch off wouldn’t help much, I feel, as I’d still be stressing over what the time could be…

If it comes to it then, I’m sure at least one person will suggest we all meet in the cafe/bar for a drink after our final session together. It’s a short-course and a pretty intensive one at that. With such limited time, there’s no space for people to bring in and share their favourite books. No time for socialising, even though we do interact within the classroom.

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4 comments on “Clock Watching

  1. I’m sorry you’re not able to enjoy the course more. Even though I have/had social anxiety all throughout university I didn’t let it affect how I enjoyed the course. Likely it has to do with the fact I believed socializing to be non essential so just let myself appreciate the course material and time in the class. It was only stressful when we had to do something in a group and I didn’t feel like anyone was friendly toward me. It got a tiny bit better when I made the effort to talk to whoever was seated nearby me but otherwise I always disliked the group work. If I only had to listen to the professor everything went okay. Sharing my ideas was really hard for me though in front of others. Hopefully you can let yourself relax a bit. When I talked to people they usually weren’t as unfriendly as I’d thought.

    • People on this course are definitely of the friendly type (maybe it’s in the nature of a writing group?) and I feel better about sharing my work (we all do it) as no-one is there to judge.

      The two I’ve worked closely with seem friendly and generally interested and open-minded. It certainly helps!

      Maybe I’m putting too much on finding friendship here? It’s not like at college or school yet, where everyone clearly had their own group of set of friends.

      I’m going to join a local walking group soon (money!) and that’s another opportunity, perhaps in an environment where I’ll feel more comfortable. I do plan on doing other courses as well. 🙂

  2. […] Earlier this evening, I completed my second day (and second week) on my short fiction writing course. It was a great lesson in the sense that I know I’ve learnt several things about writing a…  […]

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