Morning

Well, I’m up, out of bed and completing Day 15 of the thirty-day challenge has helped to awaken my mind. Not that I have anything in particular planned today… I was fortunate to escape the rain during yesterday’s outing and I’m sure that more is forecast for today (tomorrow looks even worse, before I head back to work). My legs are knackered any way – that’s three-days worth of walking; a good nine or ten hours of physical activity, by my estimate. Phew! Sounds tiring just thinking about it! 🙂

In a while, I’ll try to take the dog for a walk as I haven’t personally done this for a few weeks. Usually, it’s my sister’s responsibility as she’s currently out of work and has the time during the day. In fairness, I take her for longer walks but, I’m grateful that my sister can be here to ensure she gets some exercise. It wasn’t this convenient when I was living alone with Katie… Working from 7am until 17.00 most days, I was either too tired in the summer or it was too dark in the winter. Plus, my landlord had his own dogs, which complicated matters and often meant that I had to sneak her in the van and drive down the road to the park, which completely defeats the object of going for a walk!

I still need to change my bed sheets, having slept in this dirtiness (alone) for about two-months now. If I had someone to share it with, I would make a greater effort. I’m also thinking about going around the house with a vacuum. I can’t tell when my mum last did this but I know she’ll appreciate this when she’s back at the weekend. My room hasn’t been done since the day I moved in. As I eat most of my meals in here, there are bound to be crumbs and all sorts hidden within the carpet (I don’t let the dog in here as it irritates me when she goes around sniffing the floor).

I look at the state of our garden and I despair at how bad I’ve let it become. Weeds everywhere; I haven’t pulled them for months. If I can find the strength and provided the weather holds up, I’ll try to tackle it later. I never liked the fact how this was always viewed as ‘my responsibility‘. Even when I lived a couple of miles away, my mum made no attempt to find someone else to do anything more than cut the grass. It’s not difficult at all and I wish she’d encourage my sister to do something more than staying online to 6am and then sleeping through until 15.00 each day… There’s loads of painting and DIY to do outside but, none of us really has the spare cash at the moment and I wasn’t able to keep on top of it during the wet summer we’ve had.

I’ve got until tomorrow night to basically write an introduction to a short story, from the first-person perspective of a character I’ve chosen to work with in class. The pressure’s already mounting, even though I feel slightly more comfortable writing at home than I do when I’m in a class surrounded by others. I’ll try to do that later – hopefully, the other practical activities will help to get me in the right frame of mind…

I’ve only been back at my mum’s for two months and already I’m looking around to see what other options may be available locally. I can’t handle living here under someone else’s watch. She said I would be treated like a lodger but, it doesn’t feel that way at all. I need my own space to create my own sound and voice. I cannot focus when I want to write; I’ve mentioned before about the footsteps and general sounds that come from upstairs and the semi-detached home the other side of my bedroom wall. I would like to pick up my guitars at some point and try to play but, I fear being heard by others; disturbing others. Most of the poetry I’ve shared with you came from when I was living alone. I can’t do that here. I need to get out!

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4 comments on “Morning

  1. Sounds crummy-the situation you’re in. Why did you move back in with your mom anyway? Sorry if that’s too personal of a question. I guess it’s likely good for saving money but it doesn’t sound like you’re liking it very much 😦

    • I moved back because I was unhappy in the other place with the sub-standard conditions (it was unbearable in winter). It’s given me a chance to save some money and cut back on over time hours (stress) at work. I do feel better today but I still feel like I’m suppressing myself by staying here at the moment.

      • Oh, right. I remember you mentioning that before about the cold in the winter. It isn’t a perfect situation but for the time being focusing on what’s good about it may help. That’s what I try and do living with my dad. He’s great but it’s always nice to have one’s independence. I don’t like how I’m away from the city and have to walk 25 min. before even getting to the main bus terminal to go anywhere. But I don’t have much choice at the moment so I try and make the best of it.Hope you can manage a solution that works for you.

      • Thanks, that’s a good idea. I should try and write a post soon for all the positive things I am grateful for in this situation.

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