Another day and another challenge. I’ve already worked my way up in to the twenties, which means I haven’t got long left until this month-long challenge is complete! I’m going to try and approach these remaining days as spontaneous and instinctively as possible. Without giving too much and allowing an answer to come through naturally; acknowledging and accepting it.
Day 22 – Something I Wish I Hadn’t Done in My Life
Immediately, I’m taken back to one of my first years in primary school, at the age of five (possibly even four).
It was lunch time and I was outside with one of my friends, doing whatever it was that we used to do (I remember hop-scotch markings on the ground). We weren’t allowed on the grass at this time of year and I was in desperate need of a wee. I’m quite sure that we were allowed to go to the toilet (how could they deny us?!) but, that would mean having to approach and ask permission from one of the terrifying dinner ladies. On this day, the old woman on duty in our playground was one of the most feared! Funnily, I’ve seen her several times around the village in recent years (she doesn’t recognise me) and she looks and acts just the same… Almost like Richard’s character in LOST! 🙂
I was afraid, naturally being very frightened of people and shy at the time so, I turned to my friend, who told me just to go on the grass. I knew it was wrong but, knowing the ‘right’ option, I accepted his reassurance. So, facing away from the school, the playground and across the grass towards the open road, I un-buttoned and unzipped my fly and began to pee!
It wasn’t even up against a tree of a hedge or anything; it was just ‘free’ over the grass infront of me.
Everything that happened after is very unclear in my memory. I may’ve had a chance to finish up but, it didn’t feel like long before I was whisked away (probably to the headmaster’s office) by the dinner lady. My friend was laughing and I can faintly remember a choir of laughter from behind me as I was ‘going’. It was something I immediately regretted and I can vaguely remember my mum asking me about it when we were home.
I don’t remember being afraid that people would ‘see me’, which sounds very strange, as I’d be terrified of that sort of thing today. Instead, I spent years wondering if anyone would remember and bring the subject in to the light… It never happened, even though I still wonder about the possibility today.
My ‘friend’ wasn’t known as an overly nice person… He had a bit of a devious nature, even though we were friends outside of school and, he was the one who told my parents one day as I was casually taking a wee on the back of a living room sofa (I must’ve been about the same age as before). I used to go in the most obscure of places at home; anywhere but in the loo (I think I’ve blogged about this before).
It is a memory that’s lived with me. One of embarrassment and, as I look at it now, a lack of self-control, confidence and an ease of manipulation from others… Well, I’m glad I’m a lot stronger than that now, 22-years on!! 🙂