Scene of a Short Story

Today, I’d like to share with you a scene written as part of my short-story homework. It was shared with the rest of my class earlier this evening – I managed to read it all aloud as well! We were asked to write a scene that takes place immediately after the scene created in the following poem. I’ll warn you that precisely five-hundred words follow on from this…

‘This is Just to Say’

by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

It was the end of another long, hard week for Simon, as he arrived home on Friday evening, still feeling the cold breeze that had been bothering him all day. The weekend has finally arrived and he feels he has much to look forward to. He closes the door behind him, drops his keys on the hard worktop and welcomes in the warmth and comfort of home. Finally, it’s time to relax and enjoy life for the next two days. His first action is to walk a few steps towards the kettle, where he discovers a note left by his partner, taped to a tall cupboard door. His partner, Mel, clearly knows his actions well. But then, she must also know how he likes his routine lifestyle, which appears to be in threat, as he reads through the note to discover one comfort that was stolen from him during the night.

Simon clicks the kettle, leaving it to boil as he heads off to the living room where Mel is surely resting. Each footstep is filled with purpose, as he flicks each light switch, alerting the world that the man is back in his domain. Unknown to him, Mel’s fast asleep on the other side of the door, curled up comfortably on the sofa with the TV running only for company. A sharp turn of the handle releases a short burst of air and the clump of a heavy foot from Simon as he steps in to the room, which is enough to alert Mel’s senses to awaken her from this day of slumber.

On go the lights and the room is alive again. Mel is momentarily blinded, as Simon’s words begin to breach her ears. “Why did you take them?”  Before she can fully awaken to form a response, Simon continues, “You know that they stay in that box for a reason. If I’d have known you liked them, I would’ve bought you some”. Mel finds her way in to an upright position on the leather sofa, with all its creaks and creases. Simon moves to sit beside her, temporarily eclipsing the light as he makes a move for the remote. Mel begins with the expected basis of an apology; two words that aren’t going to return what has already been taken.

He rests his head in his hands, sliding back and forth across his face. He stares plainly down at the soft carpet beneath his dirty boots, focusing on the swirls as he realises that he cannot stay mad at the woman he loves. One glance to his left and Simon can see the sorrow surrounding Mel’s eyes. While he’s up early heading off to work each day, Mel would be delighted just to have something to do each day, aside from the occasional trip to the Job Centre. Breaking in to the freezer and sampling the sweet taste of the forbidden fruit was an adventure to her. It came with great risk but delivered a greater reward.

Thank you all for reading! All thoughts, comments and suggestions are welcome. 🙂

(Personally, I’m very pleased… I ended up with less than fifty words on Tuesday night, which I then deleted yesterday before writing all you see above! ;-))

6 comments on “Scene of a Short Story

  1. Yay I like this 🙂 Thanks for sharing it with us, I have been looking forward to reading your creative writing 🙂 Will you be continuing it?

  2. I enjoyed it. You’re very good with the detailed description. I like the writing prompt too. How interesting 🙂

    I will mention that you change tenses a couple times which confused me momentarily, but nothing too distracting 😉
    (Excuse my critique- I’m not meaning to offend. It’s hard me to turn off the English tutoring I did for 4 years…)


    • Thank you for reading, Claire and I also welcome your constructive critique. It certainly wasn’t something I was aware of but, thinking now, I feel I do this quite often and it is very useful to know. 🙂

      My tutor liked the fact that I didn’t use much ‘unnecessary’ dialogue and the change towards the end in Simon’s suspected ‘intentions’.

      Ironically, this week’s challenge is to write a more dialogue-focused scene. It doesn’t have to be the same story or characters though.

  3. meandanxiety says:

    Well done for getting your 500 words done 🙂

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