I’m really struggling at the moment. My mood hasn’t been this low for a while. Hope is fading and I’m beginning to contemplate terrible things that I have always anticipated happening later in life. I’ve booked a counselling session for next week so, I’m going to try and get back in to that and see if I can find anything inside to talk about and hopefully make a start on this CBT.
In an effort to distract myself tonight though, I would like to show you my fridge!
In fact, talking about ‘food’ and eating generally is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’m less of a spontaneous writer (and person), you see. Everything has to be planned, to some extent. Timing has to be right and all the parts and pieces of the puzzle need to arrive perfectly at the correct time.
This is only twenty-four hours after my latest food shop so, this is practically about as full as it ever gets.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m living back at my mum’s house after some time of living on my own. Well, I bought the fridge back with me… Which was originally my mum’s spare for her wine(!), leant to me after my freebie fridge/freezer (a larger unit) died in the sub-zero temperatures of February this year. I spent the first couple of weeks back here living with this in my room but, the noise was disturbing my sleep. Now, it lives in the back room but still, a short walk from the kitchen.
When I first moved out and was living alone my (larger) freezer was almost full with ready-meals and all sorts of microwaveable things. Mum helped me our with this initially, with her weekly shop at Iceland, until I built up the confidence (it took about two months) to try a local Tesco store. Before this, I was using Spar, who have a very small store also near by. I eventually realised that I would not only save money at Tesco but, in a larger store, there was more variety with a reduced risk of items being ‘unavailable’. I’m still amazed to think that I first visited the largest store in my area on that very first time… I haven’t been back there since though; the smaller shop suits me fine and, I believe, saves time.
I’ve also talked about my like or acceptance for Quorn food, elsewhere on this blog. That’s all I really buy, apart from those microwaveable packs of frozen fries (McDonalds-like chips).
You can see that I keep my bread in the fridge. Well, whenever I go shopping, I check all the dates on the ‘best before’ labels and, none of them are ever expected to last more than four-days! It can take me at least seven to get through a loaf on my own so, I feel that keeping them cool is my best option. I also seem to ‘stock-pile’ rolls and those white Warburtons are my favourite (yes, I eat brown or wholemeal bread but white rolls!). Along with all the bread, you have the usual sandwich-making accessories (light butter, cheese, ham, bacon and lettuce) but, not a lot else.
My supply of chocolate finds its place inside the door where I feel it can be safe (although, mum has admitted to ‘borrowing’ the odd drop of milk). I am to have enough to last me one lunch-time for each day, plus a few spare for cups of tea immediately after work. There’s a jar of jam and a couple of stray rolls left over from last week’s shop (…That makes fourteen now, in total!). I buy these smaller bottles of semi-skimmed milk (just over 1lt) as I used to find that a larger one would go off in the time it would take me to consume it. There isn’t much worse than pouring ‘cheesy-stink’ over your cornflakes at 6am, let me tell you! 😛
Most of my dry foods are stored within a small cupboard in the kitchen itself. I’m allowed additional space elsewhere for my collection of mugs and my box of cornflakes lives in a larger cupboard with everyone else’s.
I don’t drink coffee but I like to keep my decaf tea bags separate from the ‘regular’ ones (I took to decaf over two years ago) and the air-tight plastic containers from Chinese take-ways (once cleaned out) have served me well for the best part of two-years. Below that, we have crisps, apples, packs of pasta and sauce, a tin of soup, noodles, a bag of dry pasta and tins of rice pudding. It’s fair to say that my diet is lacking in adventure but full of carbohydrates!
Beneath that wall-mounted cupboard, you’ll find my biscuit tub, with a hand of bananas sat on top. I only recently discovered that it’s a bad idea to store bananas in an unventilated space and they rot, go mouldy and leave condensation on other things (it was a bottle of ketchup and cup of brown sugar, which have since been discarded). I’d like to have my own fruit bowl (I started to make one, almost a year ago…) but, this is okay for now.
If there’s one positive to take from this so far (before we move on to look briefly at my regular/average diet) then, it’s that I have successfully cut-out the salt-filled ready-meals! 😎
I’ll eat sandwiches for lunch on a daily basis. They’re simple to make for work and manageable on even a busy Saturday. On Sunday’s, my mum usually cooks a roast dinner and I often have a second plate-full(!) and, as we don’t often eat before 3pm, it’s rare that I’m genuinely hungry for more than a cup of tea or some fruit for the rest of that day. On Saturday’s, I usually get a Chinese take-away so, that leaves me with five-days to focus on.
Monday will either end with pasta or, I’ll go without dinner. Honestly, I don’t always feel the need for or want the food.
Tuesday may be a repeat of the night before but, if I miss out then, I do start to feel it the next morning.
Wednesdays are all about soup, with a buttered roll for dipping and, if I’m trying a new soup that I don’t like the taste of, a bowl of rice pudding will follow!
Thursday is usually when I do my shopping, after my writing class so, I’ll often bring home a pizza and put it straight in the oven (my freezer is only small, remember).
Fridays are when I’ll usually eat a quorn meal, most often with chips on the side. Last week, it was the last of the burgers. Tonight, I was looking forward to those sausages but then, mum phoned to say she was at the fish and chips shop! 😛
There is an element of fear in all of my eating and dietary habits…
I don’t like to fill myself up too much the night before or, to eat to late, as early starts mean I may well end up having to use one of the toilets at work. I hate that. It’s not just the fact that we only have two cubicles between fifty blokes; it’s the uncomfortable feeling when someone sees you go in or out; the fear of making a noise that others will hear. It’s toilet phobia all over again! I can go when I have to but, if I can help it then, I’d rather not use the loos at work!
So, yeah, that’s it really! I don’t know if I’d like to be more creative or adventurous with things unless I was to end up preparing food for someone else. I feel stifled again living back at home; I don’t have the time or patience to do anything that takes more than fifteen-minutes. This is how I eat. It’s a part of how I live.
One minor concern I do have is that I may develop some kind of eating disorder if this gets out of hand. Maybe even something like IBS (which, to be honest, I think I’ve been fortunate to avoid, after the troubles I suffered with as a child)…