This one has been sat in my drafts folder for a number of weeks now. I know that I’ve had situations in the past where I didn’t get praised for things I felt were going un-noticed. That was in a previous job (or two) but now, that aspect of my work receives better respect (even if I don’t always receive direct or sincere appraisal for it). I’ve been thinking of how to answer this one and, very recently, I came to the realisation that I’m not even sure who I would be seeking the appraisal(s) from…
Someone at work? A family member? Non-existent friend?! Some I meet or have met through a dating website?
I got myself out of bed about forty-five minutes ago, only to discover the rain on this, my day off. It’s completely destroyed my hope of going to Bath for the day and doing a walk around there. Looking at the forecast, we’re supposed to have intermittent showers for most of the day. I don’t know what I’m going to do to keep myself busy today. Sometimes, the bad weather doesn’t help a mood that’s already on the decline. I feel like just going back to bed and lazing the day away, which is such a waste of a day off work. 😦
Tomorrow’s forecast looks a little drier (but still cloudy), aside from a few hours of fog in the morning (like yesterday, I assume). So, I’m going to try and keep my hopes up that I’ll be able to go to Bath tomorrow.
I’m really struggling with this week’s writing homework as well. We have to write a scene of dialogue that involves some form of conflict. Last week, in the class, we read a scene just like this from No Country for Old Men. All I have in my head are thoughts of writing a fictional dialogue between two people who recently got engaged and that is so wrong! I can’t think of anything else or, where there might be an issue of conflict. I might just have to admit that I couldn’t do the homework this week…
We were almost set with something else, which would’ve involved writing a list of basic descriptions for each of the people you pass on an average day. That sounds quite fun and I imagine that’s what we’ll get set with this week.
In a way, I’d first like to dedicate this post to someone I recently met online through Twitter. Her name’s Linda (@beautiful_again) and she has two inspiring blogs. The one that’s inspired this post is titled Making Things Beautiful Again, highlighting her fight to reduce the unnecessary clutter in her home which, as I’m sure many of us are aware, can have a debilitating effect on our mental state. Her other blog is titled Walks With Cookie, where she talks more openly about her battles with three forms of mental illness that I’m sure we can all relate to. A beautiful person doing beautiful things. On her first blog, she set out to do something small each day for one month. It could be as simple as tidying a small area within the bathroom; whatever it is, it helps and, as the days go on, you start to see a greater improvement while feeling as though it has required less effort.
This is a snapshot of the desk where I sit at with my laptop. I’ve had it less than two months and, I’ve only been back at mum’s since August but, already, I’ve allowed the mess behind to take over and it bothers me, each time I sit here.
After my ‘rest day’ yesterday, I was back out walking again this morning. I always try and aim to get going a little earlier each time but, as is usual by now, I didn’t arrive at the car park for this one until 11.25, which gave me five-minutes to change my shoes and set off ‘on time’. I was able to find this space without printing out a driving map and taking that with me. For the last few weeks, I’ve been more concerned with my walking routes. Studying Google Maps for some time really does help and I feel confident enough to trust my memory with the drives there (getting back is always easy). Again, the Street View allows you to see many things up close before you leave, including any notable ‘land marks’ that you can use to identify un-marked turnings and road junctions and, on this occasion, I was able to spot the bridleway I needed to find at the beginning of the walk.
8 Wild Walks Across the Mendip Hills
From there, I was able to use a small map for the rest of the walk, which came as part of a book I bought recently. 8 Wild Walks Across the Mendip Hills was only £5 from a local book shop last week (first time I’d been in there and I feel good having done that) and it provides you with enough detail to find your way around (it’s a lot better than the AA map I struggled with a fortnight ago, anyway…).
I’ve been lying in bed all morning, under the covers, listening to music on my iPod as I try to remember this dream I had last night. I did actually start today off with a warm shower and a bacon sandwich but, it seems like the slightest feeling of cold air around my feet can be enough to trigger my anxiety at the moment… I do feel kind of tired as well, which is another excuse for not going out on a walk today (the first time I’ve had a rest on a Saturday since August). But then, I spent all of yesterday afternoon (after work) doing the same thing; occasionally moving over to the laptop to keep an eye on Facebook and, as much as I hate to admit it, trawling the dating sites for anyone even remotely interesting who stands out from the rest of the crowd…
Tomorrow morning, I will make a better effort to go out somewhere. These feelings and fears of ‘eternal loneliness’ or a ‘life without intimacy’ keep coming back to haunt me, especially on a weekend where I have no plans to see anyone socially.
Today, I’d like to share with you a scene written as part of my short-story homework. It was shared with the rest of my class earlier this evening – I managed to read it all aloud as well! We were asked to write a scene that takes place immediately after the scene created in the following poem. I’ll warn you that precisely five-hundred words follow on from this…