Lonely

I want to write something today but I’m really not sure what I want to say, other than the fact that I don’t particularly like this time of year as I end up feeling very lonely. Perhaps later on today, I’ll take a look at some writing prompts from WordPress. For now though, I’ll try and stick with this to see where it goes.

Christmas Day is, of course, tomorrow; a day where I put on a fake smile and pretend that I’m as happy, inside, as everyone is appears to be. I mean, you’re supposed to be happy and joyful at this time of year, aren’t you?

I feel like I’m only in this for the time off work, which is very welcome. I’ve bought cards that I’ve still yet write but I still feel a bit guilty for not having bought anything for my mum or sister. My only gift so far has been for ‘May’, as I knew what I was going to get her, even though she insisted that I shouldn’t bother. I’ve no idea if she’s even received it or how she’ll treat it with other things that are going on at the moment… I find it hard to buy things for family when they don’t seem to want or ask for anything. πŸ˜›

Last Monday, I had a bit of a breakdown and I realised then that I do take my family for granted. It feels as though I don’t need to worry about them because ‘they’ll always be there‘. Friends don’t seem to stick around when you one of you loses interest or you don’t maintain the effort required to stay in touch. Family are always there, whether you want them or not.

A year ago, I joined a couple of internet dating sites in the aim of finding someone special so that I wouldn’t be in the same situation a year later… Yet, here I am; alone again. With no-one. My last two attempts to meet up with ‘May’ (both within the last seven days) have back-fired when she’s been called away to attend to other things (or people). It saddens my heart, leaving me trapped in a state of despair.

It is nice to see family and I should be off to see my granddad this afternoon but, that’s all it is. I don’t have anything else to give; I’ve never felt as though I want anything more from them. I do want my own life but I don’t know why I’m like this.

But it is Christmas Eve and I hope you all have a Happy Day tomorrow. πŸ™‚

 

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6 comments on “Lonely

  1. Lucy says:

    Hey Brandon, I can relate to the loneliness that Christmas can bring. There is such an idealistic image portrayed by the media and for lots of families/people that is true but for many it’s not – leaving us to feel not too fab! Anyway, I really hope that tomorrow, despite a lot of it having to be fake happiness that you will be able to enjoy a little of the day. x

    • Thank you, Lucy. It’s warming to know that you can also relate to the feeling.

      To be honest, I felt a bit better after seeing my granddad yesterday. But still, I wake up alone this morning (despite having only just gotten up!), with mum elsewhere and my sister likely to sleep in until after lunch. πŸ™‚

      • Lucy says:

        Did you manage to see anybody today? I felt lonely waking up alone this morning and waiting for it to be time to go and visit others. I hope your day improved πŸ™‚

      • I thought I replied to your comment but, it seems I replied to the e-mail notification by mistake so, you probably didn’t get this yesterday! πŸ˜›

        I felt the same, as mum was with her boyfriend elsewhere and my sister was still upstairs in bed! We’ve had a nice afternoon at home, just the three of us and the dog. It’s been nice and we’ve had some laughs.

        How’s your day been?

  2. It’s funny how the holidays can stir up emotion in us. You sound lucky to have family that loves you, so enjoy them! Being in a romantic relationship isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be – and can lead to disappointing holidays, too. I hope your cheeks don’t hurt tomorrow from all of your fake smiling. πŸ™‚ Have a Merry Christmas, friend!

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