Last night, during a dream, I found myself sat in a large room in a one-to-one type situation. In fact, I vaguely remember driving to this venue (in a car I scrapped almost two-years ago) along with my sister, who I think had somewhere to go (quite possibly school, which she finished in 2005).
I was sat on the other side of this desk, in a room otherwise empty, apart from a solid door in one corner. My sister sat alone against the wall, behind the woman I had come to see, close to the door. She actually got up and left part-way through this meeting, as if she did indeed have somewhere else to be at this time. Not a word was said; she just upped and walked out.
This woman, as I understand it, was a ‘second counsellor’ for me. She was quite young though and blonde… I’d have said less than forty years old. She actually reminded me a bit of one of my history teachers from school. In fact, the room and corridor layout were both similar to the classrooms in that block or building of the school.
I found myself opening a thick, heavy book. I think this woman gave it to me but, it was as if she’d never opened or read it. As I flicked through the pages, I realised that each page was covered with photographs of myself, at a very young age. There were annotations and comments added to highlight certain events along my early timeline. I remember feeling good as I looked through these pages. These were all memories that I had forgotten from my childhood; those times when I did look happy. I felt like crying.
My ‘new counsellor’ said something as I was looking; it was along the lines of “You used to like chicken“. That might not have been it but, I remember feeling delight that she had ‘remembered’ after all these years and without opening the book… I can remember smiling about that and feeling happy.
Then, she said something else, with her head focused only on the pages she was writing on. She told me that she was ending our sessions together (as if I’d been there several times), because I was very much my “mother’s son“. I felt confusion as I left the room; nothing more or less. I next found myself sat in a kind of waiting area; sorely tempted to knock on the door and ask for an explanation but, I was afraid. This door was larger and darker than I had realised before. It was as if a closed door meant that no-one was allowed to enter. I knew she’d be busy inside, writing a summary (or, whatever you call it) of the day’s session.
Straight away, I can relate the book to yesterday’s daily writing prompt although, I do believe that the book in this dream only depicted my past. I do have a fear of meeting a new counsellor or starting a new course of therapy, only to be told at some point that, again, I’m not wanting to help myself. As much as I’m keen to move out in to my own place again very soon, I also feel a pressure to do what is right for my mum, by staying put and helping her to prepare the house for sale.
But, I don’t know why my sister was there… I used to drive her around a lot (mostly, while I was also unemployed). I did look back through childhood photos with my last (only) counsellor in one session and, yes, I did look like a happy and joyful child… I’ve never been able to remember that. None of it seemed real. I could recognised many items and faces within each photo, just not the boy in the middle, with a care-free smile on his face.
As usual, I also open this one to your own interpretation. 🙂
- semi-recurring dream (o6iez.wordpress.com)
- How to Remember Inspiration from Your Dreams (thelegendofedenmark.com)
- 12-12-2012 | Dream Fragment | A Forgotten Dream Fragment With Mrs. M And Mrs. M? (goodjohnjr.wordpress.com)
- Recurring Dreams (bmhonline.wordpress.com)
- Dreams (waltervstolzing.wordpress.com)
- Dreams (highfiveandraspberries.wordpress.com)
- Dreams:Messages from the subconscious (mzmadea.wordpress.com)