Seven-Day Reflection – 03/02/2013

I hope that no-one’s too concerned with my recurring absence from this blog. Honestly, it’s nothing to worry about. If there really was a problem, I’d tell you about it, right here. I’ve noticed that other bloggers enjoy a break from ‘the screens’ every now and again and that’s really all I’m doing. I miss you all and I miss reading what you’ve been up to. While there’s still an hour left of this morning (another lazy lie-in), I’m going to try to catch up with who and what I can.

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For today’s post, I’d like to take inspiration from my friend Linda’s blog, who writes weekly about the little victories she makes in her battle for recovery. I’m not as dedicated to the same cause but, lacking in inspiration or ideas to write anything else, I’d like to share some of the positive triumphs I’ve made in the past seven-days.

Starting with the photo above; that is how one corner of my bedroom looked just over a week ago. All the games and consoles; they’ve since been sold on eBay. I only kept them out ‘ready to go’ as soon as the auctions finished. Along with that, I have terrible habit of holding on the empty packaging – boxes, bubble wrap… I even have one box full of jiffy bags! I was able to free myself with some of this clutter through my eBay sales. I’m aiming to have more items up for sale (or on Freecycle) this week. A little bit every week.

Then, we move on to Tuesday evening, where I finally found the courage to dial that 0800 number (the costs of which are not covered by my mobile contract) and speak to someone from Positive Step. After fifteen minutes, I’d run through a couple of multiple-choice questionnaires (screening) and they had my details, ready to put through. A letter came through on Thursday, with an appointment with an assessor lined up for the end of this month. It means a bit of a wait but, there’s a chance I might get to start CBT soon. During the phone call, I was relatively calm and, aside from a stutter in my first words, I was otherwise articulate and composed.

Apparently, there’s a smart phone app you can download that stops you having to pay for calls to 0800 numbers…

Thursday morning was my granddad’s funeral. Only the second one I’ve ever been to and the first was only in July of last year. It was only a small gathering (one side of the family) in a non-religious service, which I quite enjoyed. It was a celebration and remembrance of his life. Just the way he asked for it to be, as a non-religious man. Each of the other grandchildren (from his second marriage) did incredibly well with their speeches and poems. I only wish I had something to share but, I made it through the service and the day without getting too emotional. I only trult felt close to tears as they walked the coffin in and then, during the final song. I even managed to put up with my dad and his annoying questions. We went back to someone’s house for refreshments afterwards and people commented (kindly) on how quiet I am. I found some form of acceptance in this; feeling less ‘pressured’ to speak and force myself than I have done otherwise. Some people do accept me for who and how I am. People who care about and love me.

Would you believe me if I told you I had a Friday night out in Bristol???

Bristol Grain Barge (Photo credit: beerintheevening.com)

No alcohol was consumed on my part. Although, I was staggered to find that I pint-glass of coke cost a whopping £2.80!! I made it last a couple of hours but then, became stumped with an £8.50 parking charge for only a four-hour stay! We had to pay £5 each to get in to the music venue on top of that but, I’d do it all again. A friend who I initially met through the walking group invited me to this live music even at the Grain Barge, earlier in the week. She’s become a very good friend in the short time we’ve known each other and I greatly appreciate that, her acceptance of my quietness and her willingness to go out now and again, as friends, simply for cups of tea and a chat. There were three bands, each with a mix of folk, blues and country music… Maybe some more as well. I found conversation with her friends faded after initially started well and, once again, found myself sitting alone. After a brief period feeling pitiful of myself, I began to accept where I was and to try and enjoy the music. Not long after that, my friend came back and invited me to sit on beer kegs (yes, beer kegs) at the front of the room, where we got to enjoy the last and final act without anyone obscuring our view… Until the final song, when people started dancing and a large woman was repeatedly battering my right-side and she would sway from one side to the other! Sitting on a beer keg isn’t all that comfortable (especially when you’re a man) but I would like to do this again. It’s even got me thinking about other bands and artists I might like to see, in similar small venues around Bristol.

I wish I’d taken a photo of the last act or, at least, that I could remember their name without having to resort to Google… It’s not my usual preference for music but they were very impressive and the woman has an amazing voice! I found this one video of Medicine Creek on YouTube but it’s distinctly lacking the double-bass player who was present on Friday night.

My weekend so far hasn’t been anything other than average but, that’s not to imply that it’s been a negative experience. I decided to pass on today’s walk as the route is meant to be water-logged. There might be other ‘little things’ from the past week that I’ve forgotten to mention but, I feel that I’ve highlighted enough. I didn’t feel too anxious during any of these situations, which is leading me to question whether I really suffer from anxiety and not something else, like a form of autism… I still have questions but, I also feel like I’ll soon have answers.

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7 comments on “Seven-Day Reflection – 03/02/2013

  1. Linda says:

    Hello you. Very glad I could provide inspiration for your post today. Well done for calling Positive step, and talking about cbt options and things. And a night out in Bristol!! Brilliant. I’m really glad you’ve made a friend through the walking group.

    The next few appointments will hopefully shed some light, but just keep going until then. It’s perfectly normal to have anxiety-free situations even if we are generally anxious. I’d be inclined to call it progress 😉

  2. Hi, nice to see your blogpost, it seems like lots has been going on for you lately! Also nice to read that you managed a night out, best wishes

  3. […] I hope that no-one's too concerned with my recurring absence from this blog. Honestly, it's nothing to worry about. If there really was a problem, I'd tell you about it, right here. I've noticed th…  […]

  4. Good to see you back BB, hope you’re doing ok. It has been a busy week for you from what I can see! You did really well to ring Positive Step – well done you 😀 Sorry to hear about your granddad, but I’m glad the funeral was as he would’ve wanted. Hugs xx

  5. rainey says:

    Nice to see you back again. Hugs, Rainey

  6. Seems like you had a good night out then?!!!!!
    An email reply will also be with you soon 🙂
    Hugs, Bex 🙂

  7. janonlife says:

    A whole staircase full of positive steps there, Brandon! Excellent stuff!

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