Five Qualities

Referring back to the experience of my first session in learning about Self-Esteem issues; I’m going to go on as I intended by writing about the five qualities I would look for in another person. That’s not to imply that I’m looking to amend or consider my current assessment (although, this may also help me with that). It’s mainly so that I can do as we were told in the class; to consider where I would position myself on each line and also, in relation to that “perfect” person.

Think Tank

Think Tank (Photo credit: Robiwan_Kenobi)

So, I’ve chosen five headings; some of which were also suggested by the group on Monday night:

TRUST

HONESTY

RELIABILITY

INTIMACY

AMBITION

Yes, in case you are wondering; I have listed these as a preference towards a potential partner. Rather than try to produce a diagram or anything, I’m going to score each one with a number… For example; 0 or 1 would score as “Very Untrustworthy” while a 10 would account for someone being completely “Trustworthy”, to take the first item on the list as my case in point.

Am I a trustworthy person? I certainly think so and I try hard to be in every aspect. But I am aware of situations in the past where I’ve felt the fear, I’ve held back and I’ve proved to be untrustworthy due to a lack of self-confidence. I’ve made mistakes and I’ve let people down (mostly in work-based situations). Outside of work and socially, I find it’s a different story so, I’m going to score myself with a 7.5 for that one.

As a few of you may remember; my Resolution for this year was to be completely honest with everyone from the very dawn of 2013. It started well but I know that I’ve lied or have hidden the truth on certain occasions in order to try and protect myself. Again, this tends to happen frequently in job situations (less so these days) but I’ve done the same with family and acquaintances (people you meet or pass – maybe in a group situation). With my close friends though, I’ve found that I don’t need to hide from them and that I can find trust and confidence within, even if I’m a bit shaky in the beginning. Sure, there are probably a couple of secrets I may wish to hold on to but I think this is still a major plus point, compared to how I might have been even two-years ago… I’ll give myself a 9.

I’m not sure where it all started to go wrong but I used to be the kind of person who would be on time (or early) for everything. It all seemed to start with a previous job a few years ago and, from there, I think my anxieties have grown a bit. I used to deliberately arrive 10 minutes late for work, every single day. When working for an agency, I might deliberately oversleep to miss the early starts. Even now, I arrive at work with minutes to spare and, when it comes to friends and social meet-ups, my anxiety forces me to procrastinate and I sometimes arrive a few minutes late. On a more positive note; I am now able to actually phone in sick to notify an absence from work, where as before I would either hide behind a text message (shutting my phone off immediately after) or not bother at all. I’ve made progress but I still feel like I’m only halfway up this hill. 6.

I won’t admit this to many people but I’m s**t scared of the physical side to intimacy and getting close to someone like that, which is one reason I prefer to focus on the true meaning of the word of an over-popularised word; intimacy is all about sharing, in my opinion. Your deepest secrets; your darkest thoughts. Worries, fears, dreams and tears. I’m very able to share this through the written word and I also allow myself to be there for others who I feel I can trust. I’ve little experience of sharing away from the computer screen so… I’ll give myself a 7, I think. I’m not certain. :-/

We all have our dreams, we have our own goals and we live for a sense of ambition that doesn’t necessarily mean working towards your dream job. To travel and visit new lands is certainly one of mine. I should look for that more in another person, even if it’s not a mutual dream; in my opinion, everyone should have something positive to aim for in life. So, I certainly ‘have’ these ambitions but I’m a long way from aspiring towards achieving some of the more ambitious ones… Let’s say 6 again.

So, that’s 35.5 out of a possible 50. I don’t know if that’s how a CBT worker would score something like this but it’s good to see that I am above halfway. 🙂

I can even look at this and begin to realise how my two previous love interests (one being my ex-girlfriend; the other a friend in constant danger) and I feel I have to question whether my own ‘needs’ would be applicable with either of them. Gah, I’m trying hard not to drag this in to another discussion about ‘dating’ as I know I’m not ready for that.

It’s often expected that someone suffering from low self-esteem would score themselves much more lowly than I have done here. Of course, they may well have their own items (differing to my own) for their own lists as well.  It is said that self-esteem naturally fluctuates, along with our moods, thoughts and feelings so, all results are liable to change with the tide of our inner peace. I’m placing a hypothetical person very high on the list for each line as… Well, that’s the way I see it, even though I’ve not scored them here. If I wanted to, I could probably even extend this list to at least ten (another contender was openness – or, someone who is open-minded to try new ideas and experiences at least once). I might still be placing myself ‘below’ someone on several criteria but that is probably something I can work on from here. I think this post helps to identify those areas…

What I find is crucial to remember from writing this post is that I know I have a small handful of friends with these same qualities and, in a time where I’m not looking for a relationship, that really is  more than enough for me. 🙂

Thanks for reading.

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2 comments on “Five Qualities

  1. Great post BB 🙂 xx

    • Thanks, Ellie!

      I apologise as I don’t know why your comment got caught in my spam trap but I’m about to start writing a brand-new post on this evening’s session. 😉

      Hope you’re doing okay. xx

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