Things are generally good with me at the moment and have been for a while now. When I say ‘good’, what I mean is that life’s bearable. I’m coping. I’m not living ‘the time of my life’ for every second as that would be unrealistic and exhausting! Instead, I’m finding ways to challenge myself, stepping out in to new experiences and continuously practising the art of mindfulness; attempting to questioning less.
In the past week or so, I’ve suffered a bit of personal heart-ache after trying to reach out to someone with newly-unearthed feelings but the fact is they’re not mutual and, well, I’ve since learned something about this person has affected my view of her!
Today, this evening and right now, I’d like to raise a topic that I’ve been wanting to discuss for several weeks. I’m hoping this is something that many other anxiety sufferers will be able to relate to. Today, I’d like to talk about noise, to ask how it might affect you and hopefully for us to share some of our coping techniques.
When I talk about noise, I am not referring to loud music played at early hours of the morning or even the sounds of a squeaking mattress from neighbours overhead – yep, I know these far sounds too well!! I would regard these noises as ‘disturbances’. They may be in our home or place of work and quite often, we can step outside or, at the very least, plug in to our iPods. If we’re feeling assertive, we can even request and complain! 😉
When I’m out in public sometimes, there’s a sensation of ‘noise‘ that I find can begin to overwhelm me. The most common would be the noise of people talking. Couples, small groups, large crowds. I cannot pinpoint in on a single conversation and I do not try. It hits me like a wave. When I’m talking with a friend, I feel defeated before the words have left my brain on a destination for my mouth. ‘I cannot raise my voice enough to be heard over this.‘ ‘My friend won’t hear me. So, why even bother trying to speak?‘ ‘I hope we move in to somewhere a little more quiet soon. I can’t talk to my friend here.‘
Can you relate to this?
Another form of noise that affects me comes in an ‘industrialised’ form from my day job. The sounds of air passing at high speed; a machine whirring in the background, yet fifty metres away. It pulls my attention. I allow it to cloud over my self confidence.
I imagine there’s a form of mindfulness that could help others as well as myself to cope with this better. It probably is largely to do with a mix of social anxiety combined with a lacking in self-confidence, esteem and/or assertiveness. But I believe it is something that can be overcome, with the right approach.
Have you ever tried a method or technique?
These days, I notice a lot more about the activity within my own mind. I ask myself a lot of questions that I wasn’t aware of, before I began using mindfulness (this realisation did not come straight away). I’ve always been quietly spoken and I’ve never been a chatterbox. But even now, as I work to share my words, my mind first cuts in waving a flag of doubt and shadow.
There is a way. I believe.
Thanks for reading. It would be great to hear from you.