Last night, only one half-an-hour past midnight, I had one of those weird dreams where I wasn’t sure if I was awake, asleep or if there really was ‘someone else’ in my room with me. This one probably counts as Sleep Paralysis more than the two other incidents I’ve experienced less than twelve-months.
Last night, during a dream, I found myself sat in a large room in a one-to-one type situation. In fact, I vaguely remember driving to this venue (in a car I scrapped almost two-years ago) along with my sister, who I think had somewhere to go (quite possibly school, which she finished in 2005).
It’s not very often that I have dreams and I’ve never really been sure if that it isn’t a sign that a part of my life needs to change. Dreams are a natural process of the subconscious, right? Maybe a lack of regular sleep is a factor. That’s certainly been a habit of late; waking up frequently during the night and early mornings. Deliberately staying up late and, with time off work, laying in bed until it’s almost noon.
One night in this last week though, I had a dream involving two women (calm down) that I’d like to try and share.
I’ve been lying in bed all morning, under the covers, listening to music on my iPod as I try to remember this dream I had last night. I did actually start today off with a warm shower and a bacon sandwich but, it seems like the slightest feeling of cold air around my feet can be enough to trigger my anxiety at the moment… I do feel kind of tired as well, which is another excuse for not going out on a walk today (the first time I’ve had a rest on a Saturday since August). But then, I spent all of yesterday afternoon (after work) doing the same thing; occasionally moving over to the laptop to keep an eye on Facebook and, as much as I hate to admit it, trawling the dating sites for anyone even remotely interesting who stands out from the rest of the crowd…
Tomorrow morning, I will make a better effort to go out somewhere. These feelings and fears of ‘eternal loneliness’ or a ‘life without intimacy’ keep coming back to haunt me, especially on a weekend where I have no plans to see anyone socially.
Back to this dream…
I’ve been trying to remember a dream I had last night. There wasn’t really anything that I could recall from the moment I woke up this morning, except for the fact that one of three previous cats (the last and eldest) was sitting in the garden.
It was at home and, as I can recall, the garden was like an amalgamation of the house I live in now and the one where I spent the most years during childhood (my favourite – also where we had the most pets). They’re in the same village, either way and I felt as though I was younger than I am now, in this dream. No more than early-teens, if even that.
I was walking around the garden (looking for something?) when I came across the cat (Bramble) sat on a path. She was crying out in pain and I could hear this from a distance a way. As I found her, I could see that the majority of her nose was missing! It had been removed, by force and there was some blood. I wanted to go closer to stroke and comfort her but, I was also afraid of how she might react or, that she didn’t want that form of attention.
Then, I can remember going inside to find mum for help but, she didn’t want to know, telling me to just leave her alone or let her get on with it, or something. I went back outside to see Bramble again but she was still the same. I didn’t know what to do and felt worried because she clearly needed help and I wasn’t able to provide that for her. Well, I’m not sure if the feelings were ‘personal’ but, you know.
Bramble was our third cat. Before her, both of our other cats died – the first (Linus), I forget (he was old – and used to wee in the toilet!) while Maggie (still quite young) was partially run over by a car. After dragging herself up the drive, she had to be put down; there was no other way. Bramble was much older when we got her (twelve, I think?). She ‘came to us’ one evening, having been neglected by neighbours up the road and we came to take her in as our own. She wasn’t the friendliest at times (I remember her scratching me when I once tried to play with her in her basket) and eventually became quite ill. I’m sure mum described it as a form of dementia… She’d lose her sight and would begin walking in to things. I’ve never forgotten the confusing (almost comical) image of her trying to get under the stretcher rail beneath one of the kitchen chairs – picture this as something that runs between two chair legs and sits only two or three inches off the floor and you’ll get what I mean. No cat or even a kitten could fit under it. I can’t honestly remember but, I assume she had to be put down.
We had a lop-eared rabbit at the same time and I have one fond memory of how Bramble came to his rescue, one afternoon, from a predator circling overhead. Floppy (I was young!!) was a bit of a pain and a tease to Bramble, often bumping in to her and trying to provoke a reaction. It was as though they never got along as friends. But one day, this large bird was circling above him. Bramble noticed the predator eyeing up its innocent prey and sat herself beside him. It was amazing and I wish I had a photo to share! Needless to say, the big bird left them both well alone! 🙂
That’s a bit about my dream last night and also, of my most last feline companion, Bramble. We’ve seen and lost many pets over the years and I’m sure I would have many stories to tell.