Having just logged in to my account for the first time this week, I’ve received a notification to say that my blog is now officially one-year old! It’s a twelve month period that’s gone by pretty fast, even during the recent times where I haven’t been here regularly enough to write.
My blog is one-year old this month!
It’s true that I haven’t had an awful lot to write about or, where I have wanted to write spontaneously, I haven’t been able to sit down here and do that. Perhaps I should finally invest in a small notebook to at least keep the thoughts on record? We take a week off from the CBT course this week because of the Bank Holiday (I hope you’ve all had a good one) with the final session to come next Monday. In order to put something new on these pages, I am going to write this evening, about a situation that has signified some of the positive change within me.
There’s one issue in my life that’s been quite a ‘theme’ for this blog in recent months and it’s not something I’ve openly written much about lately. There are a few individuals who I’ve confided in with this (you each know who you are) and I appreciate every effort you have made to just be there and support me and my own thoughts.
Now, it’s time for me to make my own decision. In fact, it’s one that I’ve already made…
Tonight, I’m going to sit here and write two posts concerning my New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve been neglecting this blog for the last few days as I’ve struggled with my own emotions a bit and my feelings for someone else.
This first post concerns the importance of being honest (not Ernest). Too many times in my life, I find it easier to duck my head beneath my shoulders and to accept the view or direction of another person, particularly if they’re male. I hide thoughts and feelings from the people (or person) I care about most for fear of scaring them away.
For 2013, I’m looking to be more assertive in being upfront and honest, as each situation comes with each new day. By speaking the truth, we will always get an answer. It may not always be the one we had hoped for but, I’d assume then that you’ll only have saved yourself from sorrow and upset later on.
As I mentioned in my previous post that included a music (still) video, I’m hurting a bit today. I hold nothing against her for calling off our day out. I’m not upset with her personally; I’m just struggling to accept the emptiness I feel in the rest of my life (I can feel the tears coming as I type that so, it can’t be far off from the truth).
After (discreetly, as my mum was around) letting out a few tears for the first time in a long while (not to forget the many foot-lengths of snot – always, with the snot!!), I turned to my laptop for condolence. I must have cried for a good fifteen minutes and, then again, within that same hour…
Anyway, I felt a compulsive urge to return to the dating sites I’ve been ignoring for the past week or so since my six-month subcription to Match.com expired. I’d received a couple of e-mails offering renewal at a discounted rate and, yep, I decided to take up a three-month offer at 30% less than standard.
I’d like to write this post in the hope that I can express how this situation with my friend doesn’t always bring me crashing down in to a state of self-pity with depressive thoughts. To start off, I’m going to share this image with you. It may look startling at first glance but, I’d like you to read on for a better understanding and explanation.
Last night, I went to bed feeling good. I was so positive in my mind, that I even restarted my nightly meditation to combat anxiety. This morning, I felt optimistic about going to work, on an otherwise dark, damp morning. All was going well until lunchtime, when I decided to send ‘someone’ a text to see if they would like to meet up later…
***TRIGGER WARNING ***
***THIS POST DISCUSSES SUICIDAL THOUGHTS WITH MENTION OF SELF-HARM***
I’ve been wanting to write a post about internet dating all week, after reading WeeGee’s recent post on her own initial experiences, where should asked whether I might be able to share some of my thoughts from the male side of the spectrum…
I don’t really know what to say at this point and, some points I would like to make have already been covered in other posts scattered around. I don’t like to repeat myself so, I’m just going to try and write this as it comes.