Week Five

Is this really week FIVE already?! It’s going by so fast that I appear to have lost all creative originality, when it comes to titling these posts! 😉 I’m now beyond the halfway point, despite missing the session last week. All I can say to summarise is that it is help. It is making a difference and that it is giving me lots to think about and consider. After that synopsis, I trust some of you will still continue to read on… 🙂

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Anxious Thought of the Day

Here’s my anxious thought for the day…

When a very close friend tells you that you’re a ‘wonderful person‘ and also, a ‘great friend‘, why is my next reaction (after feeling positively emotional) to focus and dwell on the ‘friend‘ aspect?

She is the first person I’ve known in the real world to have ever said something so kind and beautiful to me. My counsellor used to try and praise me but then, it’s kind of her job… It actually means something (and a lot more) when it comes from a person you mutually care about.

I am so grateful for her words and I hope she knows that I will always be there to support her.

As much as I’ve begun this year striving to focus on the friends-side of our relationship (as only friends), I guess I’m always going to be secretly hoping for more, with the feelings I do have.

Another friend was talking to me recently about her own situation and I kind of came to a realisation that we cannot ‘control’ our emotions and feelings, just as we cannot dictate those of other people; as much as we may feel as though we want to. Feelings of love and compassion never truly fade away or burn out, in my opinion. So, is then about acceptance and focusing on other areas?

Accepting

As I often do, I’ve been thinking a lot today about my ‘relationship’ with May, after a recent post where I vented some of my feelings and concerns regarding our friendship and received some very honest responses in return (thank you to all who commented).

We still talk fairly regularly, even though we can easily go a whole month (or more) without physically seeing each other. I do know that she does read my messages, even when she doesn’t reply and, that is reassuring. She’s told me before that she does this with female friends as well so, I’m assured that it is not personal.

My concerns have mostly surrounded her ‘intentions’ with and for me in her life and, reflecting on everything I’ve seen, read and known for the past four-months; by taking a step back, I can see that my own perceptions are quite clearly ‘distorted’ by my own feelings and attraction towards her… Continue reading