Walking with the Animals

It’s not long since I arrived home from my first group CBT session with Positive Step (at the time I began writing this, anyway). That’s an experience I’ll have to share with you another time and hopefully tomorrow evening. I know; I really should write about it now while it’s fresh in my mind but, I like to try and keep my posts in chronological order and there may be something to gain from twenty-four hours of hindsight and reflection. It’s a very positive experience so far though. 🙂

Before I go on, I’d just like to apologise to anyone who may have been affected or ‘triggered’ by the subject of my previous post. I did hope that the headline would be enough to ‘warn’ people without placing a ‘TW’ in the opening paragraph but it has received a more minute response than I would’ve expected. I’m sorry if it did affect anyone in any way. This is an on-going situation where it’s hard for me to accept that there’s only so-much I can do to help someone I care about. Someone I’m concerned for. But, I aim to do everything that I can, as a friend.

Tonight, I want to write about the walk I went on with the group on Sunday. If we weren’t trapped in this winter weather that has spanned almost one-third of a twelve-month period then, I would’ve been able to share some photos with you all.

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Blagdon Lake

It’s taken me a while to get around to sharing these photos with you, as this walk actually took place last Thursday afternoon, when I had a few hours to spare with the day off work, following my late-morning appointment with Positive Step.

Blagdon Lake in Somerset

My ankle had been hurting for around two weeks up until and including this day. In fact, it’s been giving more grief still throughout this week. I was unsure about doing a walk but then, I decided it was too cold to stay indoors without putting the heating on and not warm enough to get involved with another hobby so, I ventured out for one of the shorter walks from the book titled 8 Wild Walks Across the Mendip Hills.

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HNY

I can’t bring myself to say those three words at the moment so, I’m afraid you’ll have accept the acronym that at the head of this post, this evening (or, whatever time it is, where you are). If I say it, I won’t feel as though I mean it. That’s in no way a disrespect to anyone who may or may not be reading this; it’s simply my current state of mind.

All I have to keep me going until midnight.

All I have to keep me going until midnight.

I was tempted to title this ‘Happy? Not Yet‘ as I find myself ending yet another year on my own.

Those three items in the photo above are all I have to keep me going and I don’t even drink red wine!! If the contents of that bottle disappears tonight, it’ll be for the second time this year. I dislike alcohol but, I don’t know; when I feel this way and there’s an unopened Christmas gift lying around and no-one to share it with (I asked before; no-one likes red wine), I feel an urge to drink it.

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Friends

What a good day I’ve had! 🙂

Until late last night, I was anticipating another ‘lonely’ day of walking around and exploring the local countryside with nothing more than my own company. But, after a late-night Facebook conversation, it became clear that my closest friend was keen to see me and for us to get out and do something together. We each had ideas of our own and would wait until the morning before making any decisions.

I was delighted to receive a text from her before I had a chance send one myself. Working spontaneously like that can actually be a good thing. From my own experiences, I can relate to how planning too much too far ahead can lead to anxious thoughts and feelings leading up to the event. That’s partly why I ‘failed’ to make arrive in time for my group walk yesterday.

Ashton Court Mansion

Today though, we were able to arrange a meeting place and later destination within a short space of time.

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Anxprocrastdelay!

By the time this is posted, I should be about an hour in to a 12-mile walk with the group I joined recently…

Instead, I’ve just arrived home and I’m sat rather comfortably infront of my laptop, typing this!

This walk was due to start at 1oam, with the meeting point being Parkway Station in Bristol. According to Google Maps, it would take me 33 minutes to get there so, I said to myself last night and this morning that I would leave at 9.15, to get there are early and change my footwear, pay for parking and find a place to wait for the others to arrive. Even if I drove or got a bus to a local train station (I’ve never been on a train alone), I believe that the cost of a ticket would outweigh the amount of fuel consumed and the parking charges as well.

At 9.15am, I was just coming out of the bathroom, in spite of the fact that I got myself out of bed this morning at 7.40. Plenty of time for preparation, indeed… However, that’s not the game I tend to play. Procrastination plagues my life and even my daily routine at times.

Eventually, I left home in my van at almost 9.30. There was a slim chance that I would even reach the car park in time. I tried my trick of adding five-miles to every maximum speed that I past but, I think I lost any added time I might have saved by turning right at one roundabout too early, just before the station. All I could hope was that their train from Temple Meads would be delayed, just as it was when I did the other walk in Keynsham recently.

It was bang on 10am as I drove in to the station, looking for a place to park. My late-night research had told me to look for the short term bays, as I would probably only be there for six-hours at most but, they weren’t marked clearly enough for me. Although, sometimes, I do look too hard when it can pay to step back and look at where the sign is actually pointing…

After one trip through the entire car parking site (Do I park under cover? Can I park under cover? Bloody speed bumps!), I did a U-turn to complete my lap and, as I passed a small walkway leading down from the station, I noticed a line of water-proofed back-packers cross my sight. One of them (who I recognised from my first walk) even looked my way.

I was too late.

Naturally, I got quite frustrated with myself on the journey home. I palmed (not punched) the steering wheel as I headed out of the station and off towards the M5 motorway. To be completely honest with you though, there was a part of me that wanted to miss it…

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Submerged

Today was my second walk with walking group I joined recently and, after arriving at the second meeting point on time (Keynsham Station – a little early, in fact), I faced a bit of an unexpected wait before the train arrived from Bristol Temple Meads, carrying others from the group. There were only six others, plus the walk leader, which is quite a shadow on the turn-out for the walk seven-days ago. Most were new faces or, certainly, people I’d not met or spoken to before.

I remember getting ‘looks’ from other people waiting for their trains. There I was, dressed up in walking gear (muddy boots and gaiters still soiled from a week ago). Well, it helped the rest of the group to identify me as ‘another’ as they stepped on to the platform.

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A New Venture

Today was my first walk with the local group (for ‘young’ people only) that I joined a few weeks ago on a year’s membership. After yesterday’s disappointment, I was looking forward to this, even though I had my anxieties about meeting and interacting with new faces, finding my way and and hoping that my van didn’t break down.

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