Well, the title isn’t quite the perfect fit for this posting but, I did venture out to Blaise Castle this afternoon in an attempt to try and rid myself of some of the emotion I’ve been feeling over the whole ‘May’ situation this week. As you may remember, it was the very first ‘adventure’ I went on, back in August. I already had the majority of photos I needed and only really went back with the intention of capturing the two caves I was unable to snap before. Also, it is a place that I associate with my memory of and feelings for May. When we first met online, we talked about going here together. It never happened and, I did feel a bit ‘guilty’ going there alone. It’s one of a few places that will always remind me of her… Some may say that it’s best to avoid those kind of situations. However, I’m trying to be strong. If we end up avoiding things, we end up living in fear and, I can honestly say that I’ve spent enough of my life living in fear.
This post is inspired not only by today’s significant cause (World Suicide Prevention Day) but also, buy a recent post from The Depressed Moose. Using a photo I took recently at the Blaise Castle Estate in Bristol (England), I’ve decided to write a short story, as an example of the kind of creativity we are all capable of showing, even in times of darkness and with thoughts of suffering.
I can’t promise that this will or not strongly address any of the issues surrounding depression and suicidal thoughts but, here I go…
After feeling a bit crap again last night and this morning (see my previous post), I decided to do something today that I’ve been wanting to do for the last few months. This wasn’t as spontaneous as it may sound. I had been thinking about it for a while and was looking forward to this day as the weather forecast was brighter than what it has been for previous weekends. One of the real reasons I hadn’t done this before today (on days where the sun has shone) was because I do honestly spend a lot of time (too much) waiting, holding out and hoping for ‘May’.
But, as you know from my previous post, I do feel as though I get mixed messages from her and, well, it hasn’t happened yet. So, instead of just ‘wasting’ so much time at home, ‘waiting’ for things to happen; I drove myself to the Blaise Castle Estate and spent a few hours there, taking photographs and exploring the grounds.