2013 – Year in Review

Here we are at the end of my first full-year on this blog. It’s ended in a more distant way than I would’ve expected. I mean, I had’t anticipated going on somewhat of an ‘exile’ from my own pages for much of the final few months. But I can recall back to last year’s post without entering any search terms and in this post, I’m going to reflect on my intentions for 2013, along with trying to summarise my achievements and realisations.

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Update – 11/12/13

As I begin to write this post, I’m aware that it may not reach you on the same day. My internet connection is ‘unstable’ at the moment but I intend to get that sorted next week. That’s the main reason I’ve been so quite in the last month, where I’ve been wanting to check in and to let you know that I’m still here.

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Snow Day!

If you’ve been following this blog for the past few months then, you must think it would be inevitable that I would I get out at some point to walk around and take photographs of the local landscape, blanketed in a sheet of white.

That’s what I did yesterday afternoon! 😀

A lot of snow fell in the night before and continued to fall throughout the morning. They’d forecast rain or perhaps sleep to arrive after lunch (which would’ve melted all the lovely whiteness) but, that didn’t quite happen as more flakes arrived.

Another ‘shower’ was forecast for this morning but, as I’ve just gotten out of bed(!) and had br’lunch-fast, I might have missed it. After filtering through my many megabytes-worth of photos, last night, I’ve settled on a final count of 89; 76 of which you can find in my Flickr album, along with those you’ll see below.

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‘House of Dirt and Puddles’

Before you scream ‘WTF?!?‘ out loud, I should direct you to the Daily Prompt for today:

Write down the first words that comes to mind when we say . . .

. . . home.

. . . soil.

. . . rain.

Use those words in the title of your post.

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Two New Books

Not two to have arrived by my own pen or fingers but, I collected these from the local Post Office this evening, after a little bit of spending at Amazon, earlier in the week (ironically, this follows the news this week that HMV have gone bust and also, that Blockbuster may be heading towards a similar fate). It’s kind of ironic also, that I’ve taken this photo against the backdrop of my laptop!

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I recently e-mailed someone who was in the writing course that finished before Christmas (everyone’s e-mail address was included in the weekly writings from the our tutor). She seemed to welcome the message as I had asked about a book she bought in to share on our final day (that reminds me – I still haven’t shared the poem, of someone else, that I read aloud).

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Decluttering, Slowly

Over on the horizon, there may be an opportunity for me to move out of mum’s home and in to a clean space of my own. I’ll only be renting but, if it all works out, it should prove to be more affordable than the place I was living in before this blog.

In an effort to get myself ready and organised for my second (potential) move in less than six-months (I’m hoping for a call-back about a viewing next week), I’m looking at the boxes of stuff I still haven’t sorted through. What can I sell. What don’t I need. What do I really need to carry with me to my next home…

Everything must go!!

This is one box of two and, I’ve just listed the contents of a third (old computer games and consoles) on eBay this evening. It’s been a while and I’d forgotten how exhausting the whole process of photographing, listing, calculating and generally selling can be! I’m glad it’s all up there, even though the same items are selling for mere peanuts (it’s almost insulting) in similar auctions. Even if I have to relist at a lower price in five-days’ time, I’ll just be glad to get rid of this stuff when it does sell as I no longer have any ‘need’ for any of it.

In that box above, there are a few out-dated games (football management sims that no man could want) so, I may need to find a service or means of recycling them (if I can’t give them away). Freecycle will be my next stop for most of the stuff in there, aside from the MiniDisc Player – I remember how excited I was when I got this; in spite of everyone else falling for their MP3s… I did list this (complete with around 20 discs) for only £20 last year but, it didn’t attract even a single bid! 😛

I don’t want to give that away but then, that’s part of the reason I’ve held on to so much stuff – I no longer ‘value’ it for my own needs but, I see significance in the price tag that I can visualise.

There’s also a box of unused, budget printer ink cartridges in that box, for a printer my mum scrapped two years ago. I can recycle the old phone and find a new home for the Nerf gun. Taking things one box at a time. 🙂

 

Thoughts on Depression

I was talking the mum about many things the other evening and, in my attempt to be completely honest with people from this year on; I began by telling her that I only needed her to listen when I talk. That her opinion or advice is not something I am asking for and that some things she said before Christmas only made me feel guilty. She took this well and so, the conversation went on and lasted for some time.

Mum told me about the first time she had seen me ‘like this’ and that was over a decade ago, when I was secretly skipping lessons during my A-Levels at school. This merged in to days before transforming in to weeks. I still don’t know how I got away with it for so long or, to be honest, why I ever did it. I can remember being home the day my mum answered a call from the Head of Sixth Form… I think I was supposed to be in one that day yet, I was hidden upstairs in my room. Maybe even lying in bed; listening and waiting.

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I DO Have Friends!

Hopefully you read my previous post on being honest… Well, a few days ago, I began writing a poem flooded with thoughts of my own loneliness and the discomfort I often feel within my own skin. I wanted to say how much I wish that you all are ‘real’. Your offers and hugs, thoughts and well wishes are greatly appreciated. I only wish we could share them physically (especially the hugs).

My second Resolution for 2013 is to make a better effort to acknowledge and spend time with friends, because I do have some who mean a lot to me, even if I don’t seen them very often or ever at all. They are mostly female and I think I have a fear of men generally. My intentions of friendship remain genuine with each and all of them. I a still seriously ‘hung up’ on May (in fact, she even mentioned that she noticed and suspected it herself – that’s when it first scared her, apparently).

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HNY

I can’t bring myself to say those three words at the moment so, I’m afraid you’ll have accept the acronym that at the head of this post, this evening (or, whatever time it is, where you are). If I say it, I won’t feel as though I mean it. That’s in no way a disrespect to anyone who may or may not be reading this; it’s simply my current state of mind.

All I have to keep me going until midnight.

All I have to keep me going until midnight.

I was tempted to title this ‘Happy? Not Yet‘ as I find myself ending yet another year on my own.

Those three items in the photo above are all I have to keep me going and I don’t even drink red wine!! If the contents of that bottle disappears tonight, it’ll be for the second time this year. I dislike alcohol but, I don’t know; when I feel this way and there’s an unopened Christmas gift lying around and no-one to share it with (I asked before; no-one likes red wine), I feel an urge to drink it.

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Christmas Whine

I’ve been sat here for the last hour or so, trying to decide on what to write for today’s post while distracting myself with other things (YouTube, Facebook, etc.). I think I’ve had three different thoughts for themes yet now, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I’m just going to write about my morning and whatever’s on my mind…

(I think that’s a warning that this isn’t going to be a positive post!)

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