Anxious Thought of the Day

Here’s my anxious thought for the day…

When a very close friend tells you that you’re a ‘wonderful person‘ and also, a ‘great friend‘, why is my next reaction (after feeling positively emotional) to focus and dwell on the ‘friend‘ aspect?

She is the first person I’ve known in the real world to have ever said something so kind and beautiful to me. My counsellor used to try and praise me but then, it’s kind of her job… It actually means something (and a lot more) when it comes from a person you mutually care about.

I am so grateful for her words and I hope she knows that I will always be there to support her.

As much as I’ve begun this year striving to focus on the friends-side of our relationship (as only friends), I guess I’m always going to be secretly hoping for more, with the feelings I do have.

Another friend was talking to me recently about her own situation and I kind of came to a realisation that we cannot ‘control’ our emotions and feelings, just as we cannot dictate those of other people; as much as we may feel as though we want to. Feelings of love and compassion never truly fade away or burn out, in my opinion. So, is then about acceptance and focusing on other areas?

A Record-Breaking Day!

Yesterday was quite a record-breaker, in terms of the number of hits to reach this site within a twenty for hour period. It peaked at a total of 127 hits before midnight last night – almost three-times the record previously set a month ago!

It probably helps that I managed to make five posts in that time and most of my referrals (aside from the odd Google search) did come direct from WordPress (probably the Reader). But, I’d like to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who visited, read and also commented yesterday. It has helped me to get up and feel better in myself today. 🙂

On an average day, the majority of these views seem to come from Australia. It looks as though the UK topped yesterday’s chart though, with 67 hits over 29. Behind that, we have the USA, Canada and, further down the list, a viewer from Israel!


I did my self-esteem meditation this morning, before I got up, and it is helping, even though there’s nothing but rain falling from the sky outside, meaning that I’ll be stuck in doors for most of this last day off – I do still have some writing to do for my course tomorrow evening… I mentioned on Bourbon’s blog that I have trouble crying – I feel the emotion and it starts but then, it stops again, before I’ve let it all out. I don’t know why but, I’m going to try and make an effort to document some of my daily thoughts in a small diary, when I can. This isn’t something that I ever discussed with my counsellor but I hope it might help. I have great difficulty focusing on my own thoughts and often experience too many at once. Again, I’ve not talked about this either but, I’ve never been certain as to whether my conscience is just that or, whether there is actually ‘a voice’ inside of my head… I’ve suffered my fair share of paranoia over the years but it’s one of those things where I haven’t actively tried to overcome it… Did it really go away or, have I just learnt to accept and suppress it?