It had been so long
Eighteen-years and counting
But the journey to reach you
Felt like climbing a mountain
I was afraid.
So long, I had waited
But, setting off from the car park
My breath was already baited!
It seemed unfamiliar, until the museum
Inside, it all came back to me
The history, paintings, Mr.Hughes and the caning!
One look outside, the estate was waiting!
I found my own trail and began to explore
My camera was ready and I kept finding more!
But the castle was hidden, along with both caves
I used my own compass but, wasn’t sure of the way
Then, when I found you, my dream was achieved
That sense of achievement and all I’d believed
Now, I set off with new sites to explore
But, at Blaise Castle, there will always be MORE!
One day, I’ll return, just to see you inside
I hope to bring with me a friend and our pride
I’ve been wanting to write some more poetry for the last few days and, although I’ve written several first ‘paragraphs’ (is it a paragraph or a verse?), I’m struggling to build on that. It doesn’t feel like a block, it’s more like confusion. I know that all these thoughts and words are in my head; they’re like coloured balls in a giant ball pit and I fighting my way through. Except, identifying their colour doesn’t help and I cannot clearly see what I’m looking for.
After writing my last post, I spent an hour sat back (almost lying) on top of my bed. I tried watching TV for a bit, only to find that The Simpsons wasn’t on after all and, I’d missed the local news. I’d already seen both episodes of The Big Bang Theory over on E4 so, I went to a radio station (Planet Rock, which is still playing now). After a ten-minute nap, I reached for my notebook and began to write.
I’ve been back at my mum’s house for almost a whole month now and it’s been strange settling in with all the various noises surrounding me, after sixteen-months of near-isolation (well, it was a detached building). This poem started as something written about my fears and discomfort with all these disturbances but, look back at it and wonder if there might be another message from my subconscious…
As today doesn’t seem to be getting any ‘better’, I can’t even find the local news on TV and, with all the clouds in the sky causing darkness to creep in early, I find myself again sat at my laptop, ready to share at least one more poem with you today.
This was written in mid-to-late June, only hours after meeting ‘May’ in person for the very first time, on a rare sunny day (at least until the evening), after weeks of chatting online.
Flicking through the pages, there’s another piece of my ‘short-writing’ that I’d like to share with you right now. The afternoon is passing quickly and my thoughts are already turning to waking up at 6am (usually sooner), ready for another depressing day at work, starting at 7am. I hate the day-job I have now, about as much as I’ve hated every other; each one for different reasons.
What I hate most of all though, is that I don’t ever seem to do anything on a weekend. I went out to see family yesterday afternoon but, I’ve spent most of today lying in bed, listening to music. I could blame the rain but, it’s not really the weather’s fault. I’m like this every Sunday; living the same old routine, without actually ‘living’, or so it feels.
Life should be about balance, I believe – and, that is something I do not have right now.
Every now and again, usually when I’m feeling low, frustrated and full of some kind of emotion, I tried to express my thoughts down on to a page in a small notebook. This all started when I used to live alone and went through a terrible relationship with someone at the start of this year. Actually, I started writing my thoughts down three-years ago, before I’d moved out, when I was growing tired of living with my mum and her selfish, tart-like behaviour… I did find it easier having more ‘alone time’ though, which you don’t get in a shared house. Now though, my main aim is to try and transform my thoughts from words and in to poems. Sometimes, limericks are easier and more enjoyable!
There’s one poem(?) that I wrote a couple of months ago and I’d like to share it with you today. It was not long after I met ‘May’ in person and I went through a state of feeling as though I was being and had been ‘used’ in some way… Now, I see things more positively and I do not hold her own feelings and emotions against her.