I Blame Myself

I’ve been struggling of late, more than I am somehow prepared to admit. It’s almost as if admitting to it will see me weaken, drop my guard and fall in to some kind of low-level breakdown… I don’t know. I feel like my insomnia has somehow taken over, even though I’ve been earning an extra hour in bed.

Over the last few months, I’ve watched at least a couple of films where the main character suffers some form of insomnia, which then leads to further consequences. In each situation, there is a clear ‘trigger’ for these episodes of lost sleep; some of which, only become apparent (to both the viewer and sufferer) as the film rolls on.

Here, I’m going to write about why I might be suffering with a constant lack of sleep.

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Finding Motivation

As the weekends arrive with the passing of each working week, I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to remove myself from under the duvet.

Image found on Instagram and is not my own.

Getting up in the morning is proving to be hard. Now, I could blame many aspects for this, including the time of year – but the weather, for one, is quite mild considering we’re almost halfway in to December. More importantly; I’m working to remind myself to be emotionally responsible and intelligent, with regards to my feelings.

It is not because of anything or anyone external that I am struggling to get out of bed. It is me.

Instead of dwelling on that, I’m going to try and write about how to I look for ways to get me going each Saturday and Sunday.

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November Update

Hello, it’s me again! 🙂

As I find myself frustrated with a person I have come to feel very close to, I also find myself wanting to vent and share directly with them… But at the same time, I’m more fearful of their perception than any potential reaction at this time… So, uncertain of what to do and how to handle this, I find myself reconnecting with my pseudonym to write it all down here.

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‘Stan’

This post will have nothing to do with the Eminem single that rose Dido high and up in to the limelight in the earls 00s… Even though I’ve ironically been subjected to listen to that artist’s ‘noise’ over the past few days at work!

Link to Stan on Amazon

Today, I want to write about the autobiography of Stan Collymore; a former-Premier League footballer (soccer player) who, later on in his short-lived career, received a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

 

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Update – 11/12/13

As I begin to write this post, I’m aware that it may not reach you on the same day. My internet connection is ‘unstable’ at the moment but I intend to get that sorted next week. That’s the main reason I’ve been so quite in the last month, where I’ve been wanting to check in and to let you know that I’m still here.

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