As the weekends arrive with the passing of each working week, I’m finding it increasingly more difficult to remove myself from under the duvet.
Image found on Instagram and is not my own.
Getting up in the morning is proving to be hard. Now, I could blame many aspects for this, including the time of year – but the weather, for one, is quite mild considering we’re almost halfway in to December. More importantly; I’m working to remind myself to be emotionally responsible and intelligent, with regards to my feelings.
It is not because of anything or anyone external that I am struggling to get out of bed. It is me.
Instead of dwelling on that, I’m going to try and write about how to I look for ways to get me going each Saturday and Sunday.
As I find myself frustrated with a person I have come to feel very close to, I also find myself wanting to vent and share directly with them… But at the same time, I’m more fearful of their perception than any potential reaction at this time… So, uncertain of what to do and how to handle this, I find myself reconnecting with my pseudonym to write it all down here.
This post will have nothing to do with the Eminem single that rose Dido high and up in to the limelight in the earls 00s… Even though I’ve ironically been subjected to listen to that artist’s ‘noise’ over the past few days at work!
Today, I want to write about the autobiography of Stan Collymore; a former-Premier League footballer (soccer player) who, later on in his short-lived career, received a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.
As I begin to write this post, I’m aware that it may not reach you on the same day. My internet connection is ‘unstable’ at the moment but I intend to get that sorted next week. That’s the main reason I’ve been so quite in the last month, where I’ve been wanting to check in and to let you know that I’m still here.
What I haven’t yet mentioned is that I’m off work until Thursday this week. It’s rare for me to take any time off (I’m sure there’ll be more days and weeks like this before the year ends) but I decided to force myself to take a break for once. Back in September, I had hopes and the beginnings of plans to go away for a weekend or two but other ‘surprise expenses’ closed the curtain down on that.
I’d planned to take this time off to do some things for myself (mostly walking); to try and enjoy a bit more of my life. My mum’s been on holiday for almost two-weeks now and so, it’s also been a bit of an experiment in noticing how or if my mood is different with one less person in this house…
I may’ve just sent a message that’s potentially ended a ‘friendship’ I’ve shared with a trouble soul for the past year. I hope that I’m just over-thinking and that she realises, at the bottom of it all, that I’m still here for her. But, pressing on, I want to write a kind of reflection to the blog post I shared in my last post…