‘Different Devil’ – Chickenfoot

Another song for you today. 🙂

This isn’t one I’ve actually heard on the radio for some time. We’re talking months, if not close to one year already. I’ve only just listened to it for the first time since as I found this video on YouTube.

Flashback a year ago and it was a song that was feature regularly on Planet Rock. To be more specific, I’d hear almost every time I made the one-hour drive up to Gloucester and then back again, back when I was seeing ‘Jan’.

(I hope you enjoy this live recording. You’re missing much from the studio version, unless you’re obsessed with Joe Satriani, perhaps.)

You’ll find the complete lyrics for this song further down but, as I entered the ‘friendship/relationship’ with a head full of doubt, there were two lines I’d hear that always stuck in my mind. Especially during the long and emotional drive home. The fact that we briefly became ‘an item’ (for all of six-days before falling out) didn’t affect this.

Walk away!
If you think there’s someone better
Run away!
Into the arms of something new

I’m not wishing to compare anyone to the devil but, as I said; I always had my doubts. I never even viewed it as a long-term relationship (which is what I desired), if I’m honest.

I don’t relate this song to recent events; it’s more that these developments I haven’t spoken of publicly have caused me to reflect on the situation I was in almost a year ago.

But it don’t mean nothin’ ‘less it’s got something for me and you

…Maybe I can relate to that one right now. It’s just ‘funny’ how one song can speak to you at the right time. I’m struggling hard to think or any lines or lyrics that have called out to me within the last eight-months though (except possibly ‘Adrenaline’, ‘Unity’ and ‘Second Chance’… All song titles).

Continue reading

Poem: ‘A Weekend Wasted’

‘A Weekend Wasted’

Three days off
With places to go
No wheels on the driveway and
Walking’s too slow

Why did I do this?
I let him decide
My loss of independence
I’m trapped to reside

Familiar evenings
Stuck in my own home
Family enclosing

Yet, I feel so alone

You made your decision
You gave me no choice
Even if I had shouted
You’d ignore my voice

I wish I could leave
To find my own way
Instead, I must wait
At least one more day

What I Didn’t See…

There was something I forgot to mention at the foot of my last post…

I mentioned that traffic was having to be diverted around Bristol to account for the ‘safety checks on rocks’ being performed around the Avon Gorge. This meant I had to take a detour home and, I decided to head in a direction passing through Clifton, but slightly different to the way I came in through Bristol.

Anyway, I ended up driving past the Zoo and, as I did I could’ve sworn I recognised an unhappy couple…

I remember feeling this intense pain and a moment of genuine shock the minute I saw them. Her hair was the same and the guy looked quite similar as well. But then, I realised that her face was wrong – it was someone else after all! 😀 I didn’t look closely at the guy so, I can’t assume it was him anyway (he looks like a lot of people in their mid-to-late 30s, if you ask me). That physical pain was something though. It was much stronger than what I felt yesterday afternoon. I’ve never had a panic attack (that I’m aware of) and I fear it could’ve been the beginning of one…

I’m glad I recognised that it definitely wasn’t her or else, I’d be afraid I was going nuts!! 🙂

First Date

It was only a few days before Christmas last year when I joined a dating website for the very first time. I was terrified but, I also felt it would be a good way of meeting someone; maybe even finding my first relationship… I’ve never been very outgoing, in the social sense and, like a lot of people, I’m just so very lonely at times. Especially in the winter, when it’s cold most days and we see very little daylight. Anyway, I joined this one site, looked around and realised that most of the profiles were probably ‘inactive’ – despite having payed for a subscription here, I wasn’t even getting a profile view after sending someone a message, let alone a reply. So, I moved on to another site…

This was Match.com; the one that many people are familiar with. It seems to have a better reputation than most, even though you still have to pay to use most of its services. I had a good look around at various profiles, receiving some views in return. After the shock of discovering my sister on there (almost enough to deter anyone – no disrespect to her personally!!), I also found one of her friends! But, there was someone else, who I only knew as Emily… She wasn’t ‘average’. There was no fake tan. She was quiet, creative, artistic and seemed to enjoy the outdoors. I felt as though she was everything I was looking for but, I felt overwhelmed by the natural beauty of her profile photos…

It took a few days but, I eventually plucked up the courage to spend £30 on a month’s membership and message her. After two weeks, I messaged again but, still, nothing. It wasn’t until the beginning of February that I did hear back from her; telling me how she wasn’t ignoring me and that she was taking a break from looking for a relationship at the moment with her life being ‘up in the air’. I sent her a reply, thanking her for the response and offering to be a friend but then, her photos vanished, right before her entire profile was removed, just as she said it would.

If there is such a thing as an ‘online romance’ then, I still believe to this day that this would’ve been it for me. One of the only reasons I’ve kept an active profile on this site since meeting May is because I hope to virtually meet Emily again. Maybe this winter? I also forked out for a six-month subscription only days before meeting May on one of the free sites but hey, I’m still single right now.

Continue reading