A Letter: Dear Husband

This post is the release of words I’m holding on to. A truth I feel a need to be shared. A good friend recently encouraged me to question the necessity of sharing these secrets with one individual but as each days go on, I feel that urge, burning on the back of my neck. It feels as if the right time is approaching. I see it as an means of drawing a conclusion to what is an ever-complex situation I find myself in.

For now, I write here, anonymously, in the hope of achieving containment.

Dear Husband,

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I Know I’m Alive

In spite of recent questions and fears for my own state of person, I managed to remind myself last night (with the added reassurance of a friend’s words) that I am still alive and un-zombie-like.

If you haven’t seen the film Interstellar then I implore you to watch it.

Don’t go off watching trailers or Googling for any informations at all (unless you’re shopping)… You really do not want to risk spoiling an ounce of the experience.

Because that’s what this production is. This film is far removed from your generic ‘space adventure movie’… There are no aliens, I didn’t see any guns and, most importantly, I cannot think of any other film (including Marley and Me, here) that has made me cry and feel so much all throughout.

I know I am alive today because this music raises every hair on my body each time I listen to it. It’s now been a year since I experienced Interstellar in the cinema and I regularly relive these emotions thanks to the DVD.

By all means, listen to the music and see how you feel. But also watch the film. Embrace it, welcome it. Don’t research it. I’m sure that 99.9% of you will not regret it, if you haven’t already done so. 🙂

It’s also regarded as one of the most scientifically-accurate space films, for those of you who like your science. If you don’t feel like crying even once though, it possibly means you’re more of a man than I am… Or not? 😉

Thanks for reading.

Second Attempt

Hello! How are we all?

It’s been so long since I’ve sat down to write here that it felt remarkably strange, entering my user name to log-in to this unforgotten place.

I hope the title above these words doesn’t alarm anyone as I have mostly positive points to share.

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Open Door

Even when I close the door, I never turn the key.

Should I hear a ring or knock, I will always answer. Eventually.

It’s a sound I can’t ignore.

A presence I’m half expecting.

Always waiting for.

Knowing that one day, she will always return.

My mind remains hushed while the body rattles.

I still expect the same end result.

I do this out of kindness.

I do not expect change.

It’s a test of resolve. A chance for redemption.

She has to make an effort. This year will soon draw to a close.

A divide exists. His eyes burn with nicotine in demand.

Those fists, I can’t restrain. But my door is always open.

I won’t lie. I can’t hide. Too many times, I’ve tried.

Into the Avalanche…?!

This morning, I was slowly getting ready to go out on a solo walk, which I hadn’t done for two weekends. When I say ‘slowly’, I mean that I didn’t end up leaving the house until close to midday (procrastination, etc.). Ten minutes in to the thirty-minute drive and a text comes through on my phone. Out of curiosity, I have to take a look and I see it’s from one of my good friends, asking simply whether I was busy today. So, I safely pulled over and responded. Now, I wouldn’t ordinarily do this in many situations and drastically change my day but for a friend like that, I’ll gladly make an effort.

We ended up sitting and talking in the city before heading off to watch a film – something we’d already done twice within the past four weeks! It’s not long since I arrived home from the day, which I did enjoy. But during the drive back, all I could think about was how much I just wanted to be sat write here, writing this…

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‘Release Me’

I’m wanting to write but the words aren’t quite there. I’ve never been great at pin-pointing a thought, let alone determining where it’s come from. I can’t decided whether to try and write here or whether to e-mail my friend privately, as I know she would be there. Maybe I just need some more time to think, without going over it all too much.

My intention today was to share with you a song this evening. Several hours ago, it was going to be the second single from Pearl Jam‘s forthcoming album (which I can barely stop whistling at work and replaying in my mind). Perhaps you’ll have to wait until next week for that one, if you’re not already off to YouTube.

But another Pearl Jam song popped up on my feed earlier on and that’s what I’ve decided to share. A track that has always resonated a sense of power with untamed emotion. This live recording barely disappoints.

Although, I’m open to interpretations as to what happens to Eddie Vedder right before the end! 🙂

And, the lyrics…

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