Walking with the Animals

It’s not long since I arrived home from my first group CBT session with Positive Step (at the time I began writing this, anyway). That’s an experience I’ll have to share with you another time and hopefully tomorrow evening. I know; I really should write about it now while it’s fresh in my mind but, I like to try and keep my posts in chronological order and there may be something to gain from twenty-four hours of hindsight and reflection. It’s a very positive experience so far though. 🙂

Before I go on, I’d just like to apologise to anyone who may have been affected or ‘triggered’ by the subject of my previous post. I did hope that the headline would be enough to ‘warn’ people without placing a ‘TW’ in the opening paragraph but it has received a more minute response than I would’ve expected. I’m sorry if it did affect anyone in any way. This is an on-going situation where it’s hard for me to accept that there’s only so-much I can do to help someone I care about. Someone I’m concerned for. But, I aim to do everything that I can, as a friend.

Tonight, I want to write about the walk I went on with the group on Sunday. If we weren’t trapped in this winter weather that has spanned almost one-third of a twelve-month period then, I would’ve been able to share some photos with you all.

Continue reading

Friends

What a good day I’ve had! 🙂

Until late last night, I was anticipating another ‘lonely’ day of walking around and exploring the local countryside with nothing more than my own company. But, after a late-night Facebook conversation, it became clear that my closest friend was keen to see me and for us to get out and do something together. We each had ideas of our own and would wait until the morning before making any decisions.

I was delighted to receive a text from her before I had a chance send one myself. Working spontaneously like that can actually be a good thing. From my own experiences, I can relate to how planning too much too far ahead can lead to anxious thoughts and feelings leading up to the event. That’s partly why I ‘failed’ to make arrive in time for my group walk yesterday.

Ashton Court Mansion

Today though, we were able to arrange a meeting place and later destination within a short space of time.

Continue reading

Court in the Moment

My week started with a whole two-days off of work and, rather sadly, no plans to do anything in particular or to see anyone socially (which hurt twice as much, following the disappointment of Saturday). For both days, the weather forecast was, to say the least, a little worse than what we could’ve hoped for and the severe flooding that we’ve suffered in the days since is evidence of that. Upon waking up, Monday didn’t look too bad. If there were rain clouds in the sky, they didn’t look ready to burst for a few hours. I was looking to escape outdoors somewhere with my camera but, I also said I would take the time to drop my sister off at her volunteering job and pick her up again after lunch. She usually walks there but, she had some trouble with her shoes recently and so, if we were to account for thirty-minutes of driving in each direction, that would’ve left me with no more than one-hour to spend with my camera (not nearly enough time).

Oldbury Court Estate, Bristol

So, I moped around in my bed for much of the day and postponed my adventure until Tuesday, when I awoke to the sight of rain falling heavily from the dark clouds above. It wasn’t letting up but then, I was very bored and fed up of being stuck indoors. My boots were still in the van from Sunday’s walk and I felt as though they could do with a wash so, I donned my waterproofs and off I went to the Oldbury Court Estate in Bristol.

Continue reading

Back in the Woods

On a lighter note, I did eventually make it out of the house today and back up to Leigh Woods, where I was only a few weeks ago. It took me a while to get going but I started with a shower, which did help. I still haven’t yet changed my bed sheets and I still want to trim my hair a bit but, I will do that soon. I couldn’t leave as soon as I wanted to because my mum’s friend had arrived to trim the hedge at the front of the house. There was room for me to escape but, as friendly as he is, I just couldn’t face having to interact with him or anyone else. So, I hid away and waited until he’d finished clearing up and drove off.

Last time I was at these woods, my camera’s battery died after two-hours of wandering. This time, I was prepared! Not only was it (almost) fully charged but, I’d also bought a spare! The 16GB SD card I bought at the same time seems to be lasting well – I’ve used it on three days now and yet, I still have around 1,600 photos left to take!

Clifton Suspension Bridge

One journey I was hoping to make last time was up to the Clifton Suspension Bridge and, as you’ll see from the photos, I made it this time.

Continue reading

Up High but Down Low

I want to try and keep this one going as a positive post because I’ve done well to drag myself out of bed, out of the house and out in to the fresh air of the Somerset countryside. Ever since I finished work yesterday lunchtime though, my mood has been on a steady decline. I spent the afternoon sleeping on top of my bed; I couldn’t even be bothered to walk the dog. My evening was no more pro-active and I was struggling to get going today. Even when I left the house, I wasn’t really in the mood and this usually changes once I’m out and about…

Maybe I’m finally getting bored of my own company? I have thoughts of not having to return to work until Thursday but still, I know I’m going to spend this time on my own. Maybe it was the setting?

Whatever the cause, I’m feeling low today and, not for the first time since I’ve been in counselling, I’m finding myself unable to crawl down and ‘hide away’ in my secret, safe space. It’s surrounded by nature; buried beneath a layer of leaves and grass. Inside, it is dark but, the walls are warm and earthly. Now, it’s as if someone’s concreted over and filled it in. I cannot break through, I cannot get in. I’m left stand out in the cold, exposed, feeling the way that I do right now.

Anyway, let’s have a look at where I went today…

Continue reading

Ashton Court Estate

Despite feeling quite low in both enthusiasm and energy this morning (worse than on a weekday before work), I managed to get myself out of bed at 7.05am and headed off to do my food shopping, which I would usually do on a Thursday or Friday evening. But, I was busy last night and just wasn’t in the mood on Thursday. I got up and left this morning without any breakfast or anything. No cup of tea and I didn’t even brush my teeth. I was keen to get it out of the way and avoid the rush and crowds in the process, which I did. 🙂

A few hours later, I was getting myself ready (preparing lunch and packing my bag) for a few hours at the Ashton Court Estate, which marks the second weekend where I have made an effort in getting myself out of the house and spending some time enjoying the outdoors.

Continue reading

Grand Day Out!

After feeling a bit crap again last night and this morning (see my previous post), I decided to do something today that I’ve been wanting to do for the last few months. This wasn’t as spontaneous as it may sound. I had been thinking about it for a while and was looking forward to this day as the weather forecast was brighter than what it has been for previous weekends. One of the real reasons I hadn’t done this before today (on days where the sun has shone) was because I do honestly spend a lot of time (too much) waiting, holding out and hoping for ‘May’.

But, as you know from my previous post, I do feel as though I get mixed messages from her and, well, it hasn’t happened yet. So, instead of just ‘wasting’ so much time at home, ‘waiting’ for things to happen; I drove myself to the Blaise Castle Estate and spent a few hours there, taking photographs and exploring the grounds.

Continue reading