As I find myself frustrated with a person I have come to feel very close to, I also find myself wanting to vent and share directly with them… But at the same time, I’m more fearful of their perception than any potential reaction at this time… So, uncertain of what to do and how to handle this, I find myself reconnecting with my pseudonym to write it all down here.
What must it take for a victim to turn around, after many months of yearning for your trust and support, to claim that they fabricated the concept that they were being frequently abused by their partner?
Furthermore, why do I continually allow this situation to return to a place within my own life. What am I lacking inside?
I’d like to start by thanking you all for reading and for following this blog over the past year and a bit. I greatly appreciate that you are all still there in spite of my infrequent postings and updates. In the time since I’ve started writing, sure, I’ve been able to attempt to share some of my lows, my downward spirals and ways of negative thinking… But on the whole, I’ve made a lot of progress and I’m still moving forwards. That may not solely rely on the efforts of writing on these pages but I’ve almost always been able to share what’s been going on.
To close this post, I’d like to just say to you all that, regardless of your age, your origin or how you may think and feel inside yourself; you don’t have to suffer alone or in silence. You will always have a choice. I’m not asking you to necessarily reach out to me personally but please do try to reach out to someone. Whether friend or family or not. You can find someone to share with.
Thank you all. Happy Friday for tomorrow and well wishes for the weekend!
I feel a bit of a rant coming on this afternoon… When something or someone irritates me, this is my way of choosing to deal with that emotion. I stop and assess where some might make a spontaneous decision. I choose to write here instead of biting back at any other person.
No sooner had I written once previously about saying ‘goodbye’ to someone and how I finally felt like I was moving on from that… This same person surprisingly emerged days later and on Facebook of all places!
There’s one issue in my life that’s been quite a ‘theme’ for this blog in recent months and it’s not something I’ve openly written much about lately. There are a few individuals who I’ve confided in with this (you each know who you are) and I appreciate every effort you have made to just be there and support me and my own thoughts.
Now, it’s time for me to make my own decision. In fact, it’s one that I’ve already made…
Hopefully you read my previous post on being honest… Well, a few days ago, I began writing a poem flooded with thoughts of my own loneliness and the discomfort I often feel within my own skin. I wanted to say how much I wish that you all are ‘real’. Your offers and hugs, thoughts and well wishes are greatly appreciated. I only wish we could share them physically (especially the hugs).
My second Resolution for 2013 is to make a better effort to acknowledge and spend time with friends, because I do have some who mean a lot to me, even if I don’t seen them very often or ever at all. They are mostly female and I think I have a fear of men generally. My intentions of friendship remain genuine with each and all of them. I a still seriously ‘hung up’ on May (in fact, she even mentioned that she noticed and suspected it herself – that’s when it first scared her, apparently).
Tonight, I’m going to sit here and write two posts concerning my New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve been neglecting this blog for the last few days as I’ve struggled with my own emotions a bit and my feelings for someone else.
This first post concerns the importance of being honest (not Ernest). Too many times in my life, I find it easier to duck my head beneath my shoulders and to accept the view or direction of another person, particularly if they’re male. I hide thoughts and feelings from the people (or person) I care about most for fear of scaring them away.
For 2013, I’m looking to be more assertive in being upfront and honest, as each situation comes with each new day. By speaking the truth, we will always get an answer. It may not always be the one we had hoped for but, I’d assume then that you’ll only have saved yourself from sorrow and upset later on.
I’ve been sat here for the last hour or so, trying to decide on what to write for today’s post while distracting myself with other things (YouTube, Facebook, etc.). I think I’ve had three different thoughts for themes yet now, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I’m just going to write about my morning and whatever’s on my mind…
(I think that’s a warning that this isn’t going to be a positive post!)