‘Love Will Find a Way’ – Yes

Here’s a song for you this week; one perhaps a little softer and less-depressing than my usual offerings. I hope no-one confuses this with any similarly-titled recording from a female artist…

That one line, ‘Here is my heart‘ is one that regularly echoes inside my skull. The rest of this song is obsolete and very hard to remember. It’s been playing on loop in my head for the past 24 hours and, gradually, the title line (‘Love will find a way‘) has made its way in to my playlist.

Driving to work this morning, this song appeared on the radio, not long before I arrived at my dreaded destination. I love it when coincidences like that happen! I begin to believe that there is some ‘unfathomable force‘ watching over us, guiding our way… There’s only one other Yes song I can ever think of and that has the kind of title that I’m sure many of us can relate to (‘Owner of a Lonely Heart‘). Hearing the band reminded me of how much I used to enjoy listening to Rick Wakeman‘s Saturday morning show on Planet Rock… Before I started working shifts and consequently missed the final ten-weeks’ worth of broadcasting and entertainment. Rick was the keyboard player in Yes at some point. Ironically, I’m not sure whether he was present during the original recording of this song.

Just reading through the lyrics (continue reading below), it seems like a song full of optimism and near-silent hope. It’s the kind of message that people are often telling me to believe in. Fate and all of that. Don’t try to force things; if it’s meant to be, it will be.

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The Placebo Effect

It’s so late on a Friday night that it’s almost Saturday but, I wanted to ask whether anyone else in the UK saw the Derren Brown‘s show on Channel 4?

Last week was the second part in his ‘Apocalypse’ experiment. I forget the title of tonight’s show but, it was all about the placebo effect taking a brand new pill apparently created to relieve a sufferer of their fear.

Okay, so, the truth is a little different – these pills don’t do anything; it’s all allowing yourself to rise up above your fears. But, if you haven’t seen it, I would highly recommend watching. If you don’t catch it on E4, C4, More4 or 4Seven very soon then, you should be able to watch it online some (4OD – On Demand although, I’ve never used it).

I don’t really have much else to say and I certainly don’t wish to spoil the episode for anyone who might intend to watch it. Although, I did feel I could relate to Nick who suffered from social anxiety but, perhaps more so, the woman, Katie, who talked about a fear of being able to sing even in her own home because someone might hear her… Watch it!. 🙂

Fate – Do You Believe?

I am planning to complete one of my final 30 Day challenges this weekend but, in the mean time, I’d like to ramble on about something else.

So many people seem to believe in ‘fate‘. I find it hard to; I’d even say that I do not believe and yet, I’m not aware of anyone else I know who feels the same way. When I’ve talked about love and relationships with my counsellor, she’s gone on to end each conversation to say that there is someone out there for me and that I will meet them… How and why hasn’t it already happened?!

Maybe I have the definition all wrong… To me, fate is where you end up following near-pre-determined paths in life that lead to places and situations you are unable to avoid. It’s as if your story’s already been written and you’re acting it out, through each scene and chapter, consciously unaware.

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Day 19 – What Do You Think of Religion? Or, What Do You Think of Politics?

Okay, I don’t really have much of an interest in either of these so, I’m going to try and respond to them both!

Day 19 – What I Think of Religion and Politics

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Day 18 – Your Views on Gay Marriage

I’ve been neglecting this challenge a little bit lately because I seem to have now come up against a short series of challenges that I’m finding hard to respond to. It’s as if I don’t have any opinion of them or any relevant experience to relate to. But, I’m going to press on and attempt to to respond to one right now…

Day 18 – My Views on Gay Marriage

To be honest, I don’t really feel as though I have much of a view on this, whether we’re talking about gay men or lesbian women.

Marriage, to me, represents a life-long commitment between two people to one another. Some view it as the ‘ultimate’ achievement and ambition for a couple but, I don’t think that the hard work and drive should suddenly stop there.

I’m not religious in any way but, if two people love each other and want to share that commitment then, where does gender come in to it? Let them be. We’re not talking about a man marrying a dog, here! People should be allowed to live their lives. There is a religious aspect to it but, I believe that most people judge this sort of action simply because of the society we live in and the condescending influence that the media has on our everyday lives.

I should perhaps add that I am not gay, not religious, I’ve never been married and, before clicking the ‘Publishing‘ button, I realised that I was about to publish a post concerning my views on “Gary Marriage“!! I’m not suggesting that I would get in early to steal a seat on the front row or anything – these are just my views. 🙂

Muddled

Sorry, I just can’t contain this in my head tonight. I need to let it out!

So, earlier this evening, I sent ‘May’ a message on Facebook to see if she might be free tomorrow (when I first met her, Wednesday was one of her days off as she worked all weekend). She replies to say that the rotas have changed and that she’s only free on Saturdays now. That’s fine, she did mention some time ago that it all might change. I’m okay with everything so far.

She mentions that it’s ‘bad’ for her because it means she won’t get to see her boyfriend (I guess he works Saturdays or, he’s out with his son). I replied to say that it sounds as though they’ve worked things out and that I’m pleased for her (I genuinely am; as long as she is happy and is where she wants to be).

I wish I’d just done the obvious thing and asked her if she was free this coming Saturday… (It sounds like she may be). Because, I sent her reply and it came up as having been ‘read’ a minute or so later – Facebook can torture and anxious mind; telling you when your message has been read, even hours or days after you sent it!

So, if she read it so quickly then, why didn’t she reply?

It came via her phone so, I guess she could be busy. But, this isn’t the first time where I’ve experienced this and I now expect the ‘conversation’ to continue (over the coming weeks) with four or five messages of me apparently talking to myself (no responses from her).

My mind says that I’ve again touched on something concerning her relationship. Is she really happy? Are they really all loved-up and stable again? Was she secretly hoping that I would again express my feelings for her, with a little added jealousy?

This is driving me nuts simply because I like her and I have nothing else in my life to distract my anxieties.

I’m going to try and focus on making an arrangement to meet up again soon. All going well, it could be this Saturday but, I’ll now give her a day or two before asking (I don’t like pester; only to fester within in my own mind!). If I can meet with her, I will find a time to sit down and apologise to her for ‘mis-reading’ her intentions as only friends. At least then, I might get a straight answer, away from her boyfriend. I am tempted to question how I hurt her by rejoining a dating site about five-weeks ago when she was getting back with him but, that’s not the sort of question I should begin any conversation with.

It’s coming, I know it. I’ve been dreading this for most of the time that I’ve known her and I fear that it could all be over soon.

Then, what?

Back to nothing. No-one. Emptiness, more pain and a loss of hope.

It needs a resolution, you can all see that, however you read the story as I have tried to recreate it. I just hope I’m strong enough to survive the ending that hasn’t yet been written…

Precognition?!

It’s a Bank Holiday Monday, the rain is pouring down outside and, as I don’t currently have anything better to do with my time, I thought I’d write about another memorable dream (nothing planned for the day, although have my eye on my sister’s birthday cake – I should try to find the card I bought for her as well!). This one occurred around Christmas time 2007; on the even of 2008, nearly five-years ago now.

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