For six-months now, I’ve been wondering. Unknowing. Unable to receive a response. It was only while talking to someone else about their own problems recently that I realised I could to my writing, in an effort to restore order and peace to my mind. If only for a short while.
I came here a few weeks ago for the first time in months. I wrote something and found it beneficial. It would be nice to think that it really ‘gets it out of your head’ but I realise what I’m actually doing is sharing, with everyone and no-one (as an anonymous blogger). By writing here, I’m lessening the burden I place upon myself.
So, I’m back to write some more today. Already, having written very little, I feel a microscopic improvement.
If I was to be perfectly accurate, I should really have backdated the title of this post by forty-eight hours for a more accurate timing with my response and reflection to the events of that day.
This is another post about welcoming personal gratitude and achievement for the small things.
Hello! How are we all?
It’s been so long since I’ve sat down to write here that it felt remarkably strange, entering my user name to log-in to this unforgotten place.
I hope the title above these words doesn’t alarm anyone as I have mostly positive points to share.
Okay. So I feel an urge to write this evening. This post is lacking the pre-emptive clarity and layout that usually precedes my writing. But, if I don’t do it now, I might not do it tomorrow.
I’d like to start by thanking everyone who has responded to my previous posts and not forgetting those who have merely clicked Like or taken the time to read through my words. Writing has helped. My week is improving as the days go by. Thank you.
So, I recently wrote a post about noises in the social situations that disturb and distract me, as a sufferer of social anxiety. Possibly the best example I’ve seen that demonstrates my own vision of this comes from the film Bruce Almighty. I’d been hoping to find a video clip of the restaurant scene (if you’ve seen the film then you’ll know it). There is one on YouTube but, without sound, it’s quite irrelevant. The video I have found gives you a taster but I want to reassure you that I don’t hear individual voices. In fact, I don’t focus on any one conversation in particular. It’s more of a ‘blur’ or stream of noise, voice and sound.
I hope it helps to make sense and that maybe someone else can relate. It’s not something that’s occurred recently and only arise on the busiest of occasions (perhaps at a city centre festival or a large indoor event).
He’s back again! I don’t know how long it’s been but he seemed to arrive suddenly yesterday, during the late-afternoon/evening. Anxiety. Fear. Hopelessness. However I like to label it, he’s here with me again right now.
Another night where I feel the urge to write.
What I haven’t yet mentioned is that I’m off work until Thursday this week. It’s rare for me to take any time off (I’m sure there’ll be more days and weeks like this before the year ends) but I decided to force myself to take a break for once. Back in September, I had hopes and the beginnings of plans to go away for a weekend or two but other ‘surprise expenses’ closed the curtain down on that.
I’d planned to take this time off to do some things for myself (mostly walking); to try and enjoy a bit more of my life. My mum’s been on holiday for almost two-weeks now and so, it’s also been a bit of an experiment in noticing how or if my mood is different with one less person in this house…
It’s hard to ignore the fact that winter is very much on its way now.
Again, I was reminded of how writing here and sharing my thoughts anonymously can be a benefit to myself. The simply act of putting words on to screen helped to settle my mind last night and I awoke this morning with a pretty stable state of mentality.
So, tonight, I’m going to share one of my fears about friends in general and we’re talking about good friends here but of no-one in particular. It’s a small thought that’s lingered for a long time and I’m interested to hear the thoughts of others on this idea.