I came here a few weeks ago for the first time in months. I wrote something and found it beneficial. It would be nice to think that it really ‘gets it out of your head’ but I realise what I’m actually doing is sharing, with everyone and no-one (as an anonymous blogger). By writing here, I’m lessening the burden I place upon myself.
So, I’m back to write some more today. Already, having written very little, I feel a microscopic improvement.
Okay. So I feel an urge to write this evening. This post is lacking the pre-emptive clarity and layout that usually precedes my writing. But, if I don’t do it now, I might not do it tomorrow.
I’d like to start by thanking everyone who has responded to my previous posts and not forgetting those who have merely clicked Like or taken the time to read through my words. Writing has helped. My week is improving as the days go by. Thank you.
So, I recently wrote a post about noises in the social situations that disturb and distract me, as a sufferer of social anxiety. Possibly the best example I’ve seen that demonstrates my own vision of this comes from the film Bruce Almighty. I’d been hoping to find a video clip of the restaurant scene (if you’ve seen the film then you’ll know it). There is one on YouTube but, without sound, it’s quite irrelevant. The video I have found gives you a taster but I want to reassure you that I don’t hear individual voices. In fact, I don’t focus on any one conversation in particular. It’s more of a ‘blur’ or stream of noise, voice and sound.
I hope it helps to make sense and that maybe someone else can relate. It’s not something that’s occurred recently and only arise on the busiest of occasions (perhaps at a city centre festival or a large indoor event).
He’s back again! I don’t know how long it’s been but he seemed to arrive suddenly yesterday, during the late-afternoon/evening. Anxiety. Fear. Hopelessness. However I like to label it, he’s here with me again right now.
What I haven’t yet mentioned is that I’m off work until Thursday this week. It’s rare for me to take any time off (I’m sure there’ll be more days and weeks like this before the year ends) but I decided to force myself to take a break for once. Back in September, I had hopes and the beginnings of plans to go away for a weekend or two but other ‘surprise expenses’ closed the curtain down on that.
I’d planned to take this time off to do some things for myself (mostly walking); to try and enjoy a bit more of my life. My mum’s been on holiday for almost two-weeks now and so, it’s also been a bit of an experiment in noticing how or if my mood is different with one less person in this house…