Something New

It’s been a few weeks since I last logged-in and wrote here and that also means that you’ve ‘missed’ the end to my CBT course. It was strange last week; to arrive home on a Monday evening with nowhere to go… At the same time though, it was welcome to have an evening at the start of a long week where I could just relax!

As that course ended, we were encouraged to ‘fill that space’ with something. If we’re able to allow ourselves to spend two hours of one evening each week on doing something that we want to do; an activity from which we’ll benefit then surely, that space remains available for a different activity.

I’ve been aware (and interested) that Positive Step offer an eight-week course in Mindfulness. But attending that course is not as straight-forward as you might expect… A telephone conversation/interview with the course leader is required before hand, so that you can both assess whether it will suit you personally. Because it requires quite a commitment for anyone not currently practising on a very regular basis… You’re required to practice mindfulness for forty-five minutes each and every night in your own spare time! But also, the next course doesn’t start until the new year and so, that would’ve been a rather long wait.

I don’t see any personal benefit from the Anger Management course (which they’ve recently renamed) and without repeating either of the two courses I’ve already completed, that would leave me with just the Assertiveness course to follow… Which I’ve decided to ‘postpone’ for the time being, simply because it is the one offering that involves ROLE PLAY!! :-S

Anyway, this week – tonight, in fact – I’ve begun a new regular dose of doing something that benefits me…

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‘Best of You’ – Foo Fighters

As I was heading towards Bristol last night and on towards a gig I’d been invited to earlier in the day, this song came on the radio, not long after I left home. You probably all know it. I mean, it’s been pretty well known for the last… Nine-years?! It’s another one of those songs that seems to appear at just the right time and, listening to it on this occasion, I felt there was a lot that I could relate to currently (I’m okay).

I was never a huge fan of this song and much preferred some of the other tracks from the same album (I think DOA was one). It’s interesting how songs can suddenly reach out to you like that. Reading through the lyrics this morning, I can’t decide who the song is written for or about… It seems almost like the emotions and guilt are being exchanged between two people throughout the verses. But, that could simply be my misinterpretation!

Last night, I was invited to see the Martin Harley Band at The Fleece in Bristol. My friend had a spare ticket and I was intrigued as soon as I heard that they were rock-inspired blues, or vice-versa! An excellent band. I enjoyed the night and the music, if not the experience of having to stand up all night (not like at the Grain Barge, where we’re usually in early enough to pinch a seat). Martin (the front man) is very smartly dressed compared to the others. Leading from the back, they have a proper rock and roll drummer who was entertainment to watch on his own! Their bass player was more ‘timid’ (sitting down) by comparison and they had another guitarist with them for a few songs.

There was a one-man act before them (sorry, I forget his name but he was Irish and had O’something as his surname…) and he was quite the guitar player/string picker/whatever term people use! Standing right in front of the stage didn’t bother me, even though the volume was up so loud that you could barely hear the vocals at times. There were a couple of people bouncing around us and both my friend and I received the odd elbow in the back and torso but I realised a few things last night… To enjoy live music, you don’t ‘have’ to be like those people. You don’t have to appear as though you’re having the time of your life and you certainly don’t need alcohol. I realised that you don’t need to stare at any band member in particular either. Kind of like meditation; I can keep my eyes on the stage, allow my focus to fade and then, just listen to the music more clearly.

Below, are the lyrics to Best of You by the Foo Fighters.

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T’ai Chi, Anyone?

Talking to someone earlier, she told me how she has used martial arts in the past to build on her confidence. I know from my brief experience in counselling that meditation can work well for me and, as a kid, I always wanted to learn karate; I never had the confidence to even admit to it; fearing that I wouldn’t good enough.

Now, I’m an adult; moving ever closer to the big 3-0. I’m growing within myself and, as the persistent grey clouds Christmas begin to clear, I’m looking forward with more optimism for myself. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday, where I’ll again raise my issues with depression and will enquire about the availability of CBT among other things.

(Photo credit: Londontaichi.org.uk)

As you might have already guessed, I’m also thinking about the possibility of learning some form of martial art this year.

Have you ever tried T’ai Chi?

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Day 27 – What’s the Best Thing Going for You Right Now?

It’s late. Very late. Midnight has passed and, already, Sunday is here. I should be heading to bed for my last lie-in before another five-days of early starts but, I’m sat here, trying to make amends for the ‘weakness’ I’ve shown in my previous post.

Day 27 – The Best Thing Going for Me Right Now

Leading on from my last post, I’d like to say that it’s the fact that I’m a ‘genuine’ guy, whatever that means, hahaha…

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Work

It’s the weekend but, this morning I’m thinking about work. It’s a place I’ve never truly enjoyed being, for five-days a week or even for less but, it’s a necessity of life. Through counselling, I’ve come to understand that my current job does affect my self-esteem. I’ve never been ‘happy’ or perfectly content in any job but, I feel that I have been in situations where I’ve felt better about myself and the people I work for.

Today’s post (my first of the day) is going to focus on each of the positives in my current role, without telling you exactly what I do! 🙂

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Home

Several times on this blog, I’ve made reference to the fact that I’ve been living back at my mum’s house since the beginning of August and that, as much as I enjoyed the space and independence of living alone, I wasn’t happy overall with the conditions of where I was living. Money was one factor that bought me home. I did look around for other properties not too far away but, there wasn’t much that I could realistically afford.

It’s also fair to say that I’m not entirely happy living back at mum’s and that I often feel ‘confined’ and as though I’m less able to relax and express myself (even if I am warm). I don’t wish to dwell on any of the negatives associated with either situation right now. Instead, I’m going to take a little advice from the author of Reflections on Life So Far and I’ll trying to focus on the positives of where I am and everything I am grateful for, living here.

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