Referring back to the experience of my first session in learning about Self-Esteem issues; I’m going to go on as I intended by writing about the five qualities I would look for in another person. That’s not to imply that I’m looking to amend or consider my current assessment (although, this may also help me with that). It’s mainly so that I can do as we were told in the class; to consider where I would position myself on each line and also, in relation to that “perfect” person.
As I sit here, preparing to write this post, I look forward with no definite plans for the day. It’s been a great weekend so far though, as I’ve managed to see all three of my close friends within less than twenty-four hours (including meeting one of them for the very first time)!
I’d like to start by talking to you about the band I’m wearing around my wrist in the photo above. I apologise that this photo isn’t perfect and you can see large marking where the lens on my phone’s camera is slightly scratched. This is known as a Thought Stopper; an item designed to help those suffering from the likes of depression and anxiety; a means of preventing the need to self-harm.
There’s one issue in my life that’s been quite a ‘theme’ for this blog in recent months and it’s not something I’ve openly written much about lately. There are a few individuals who I’ve confided in with this (you each know who you are) and I appreciate every effort you have made to just be there and support me and my own thoughts.
Now, it’s time for me to make my own decision. In fact, it’s one that I’ve already made…
Hopefully you read my previous post on being honest… Well, a few days ago, I began writing a poem flooded with thoughts of my own loneliness and the discomfort I often feel within my own skin. I wanted to say how much I wish that you all are ‘real’. Your offers and hugs, thoughts and well wishes are greatly appreciated. I only wish we could share them physically (especially the hugs).
My second Resolution for 2013 is to make a better effort to acknowledge and spend time with friends, because I do have some who mean a lot to me, even if I don’t seen them very often or ever at all. They are mostly female and I think I have a fear of men generally. My intentions of friendship remain genuine with each and all of them. I a still seriously ‘hung up’ on May (in fact, she even mentioned that she noticed and suspected it herself – that’s when it first scared her, apparently).
Here’s something I started last night and have worked on (I wouldn’t like to say finished) a bit more this evening, along with a few others I aim to share in time. It’s a bit ‘sketchy’ in places as I’ve stopped and started in places and have even jumped back in to rearrange and insert before pre-written verses. You could say it’s my most-heavily-edited poem so far! 😀
In a moment of fear
You ran to hide
But the help of a friend
You knew you must find
Seconds slowly pass
Red mist ascends
From the crash of shattered glass
Yet, so far from home
Friends are awaiting
You must pick up the phone
With your chance to depart
No room for hesitation
Your better life must start
Today was my first walk with the local group (for ‘young’ people only) that I joined a few weeks ago on a year’s membership. After yesterday’s disappointment, I was looking forward to this, even though I had my anxieties about meeting and interacting with new faces, finding my way and and hoping that my van didn’t break down.