Another ‘stunning’ image from my smartphone’s camera provides the prompt for this evening’s post!
Decaf Tea Bags – Ready for Work!
I’ve mentioned before on this blog that in-taking large amounts of caffeine can recreate the effects and symptoms of anxiety in an average person. This is something that was affirmed to me by my CBT worker when we met a few weeks back.
I’m really struggling at the moment. My mood hasn’t been this low for a while. Hope is fading and I’m beginning to contemplate terrible things that I have always anticipated happening later in life. I’ve booked a counselling session for next week so, I’m going to try and get back in to that and see if I can find anything inside to talk about and hopefully make a start on this CBT.
In an effort to distract myself tonight though, I would like to show you my fridge!
Inside my fridge!
In fact, talking about ‘food’ and eating generally is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’m less of a spontaneous writer (and person), you see. Everything has to be planned, to some extent. Timing has to be right and all the parts and pieces of the puzzle need to arrive perfectly at the correct time.
In a way, I’d first like to dedicate this post to someone I recently met online through Twitter. Her name’s Linda (@beautiful_again) and she has two inspiring blogs. The one that’s inspired this post is titled Making Things Beautiful Again, highlighting her fight to reduce the unnecessary clutter in her home which, as I’m sure many of us are aware, can have a debilitating effect on our mental state. Her other blog is titled Walks With Cookie, where she talks more openly about her battles with three forms of mental illness that I’m sure we can all relate to. A beautiful person doing beautiful things. On her first blog, she set out to do something small each day for one month. It could be as simple as tidying a small area within the bathroom; whatever it is, it helps and, as the days go on, you start to see a greater improvement while feeling as though it has required less effort.
This is a snapshot of the desk where I sit at with my laptop. I’ve had it less than two months and, I’ve only been back at mum’s since August but, already, I’ve allowed the mess behind to take over and it bothers me, each time I sit here.
Through having lived with my own social anxiety for, I reckon, more than fifteen-years now, I’ve more recently developed symptoms of speech impediment, where I have difficulty pronouncing certain words and sentences in certain situations. As far as I can remember, this started back when I got my first job, working face-to-face in a customer service role.
This one man would come in (usually on a Saturday). He was friendly enough and always seemed to recognise me and make note of the fact in a kind way. But, he had this stutter and, when he talked, my reaction was to feel very uncomfortable (being very timid at the time) and unsure of how to act. Of course, I’ve never said anything about it (to anyone) and I helped him on his way.
That feeling and the memory, of each time I’d interacted with this name-less man, it has always stayed strong in my mind. After a while, I even found myself beginning to stammer and stutter and, well, it’s never gone away since then.