My posting has been infrequent here lately and it’s even more rare to find a second post from me within the same day. Usually, it’s not a great sign. Or, at least, an indication that something is troubling me.
After writing my previous post this morning, I felt as though I was lying to myself. Although I didn’t write it, I wanted to try and portray the message that I was okay with having nothing to do today and no-one to see… I wasn’t. I haven’t been alright. In fact, since I woke up this morning after my most disruptive night’s sleep for several weeks, I’ve felt like bursting in to tears on several occasions. Continue reading →
There’s one issue in my life that’s been quite a ‘theme’ for this blog in recent months and it’s not something I’ve openly written much about lately. There are a few individuals who I’ve confided in with this (you each know who you are) and I appreciate every effort you have made to just be there and support me and my own thoughts.
Now, it’s time for me to make my own decision. In fact, it’s one that I’ve already made…
Tonight, I’m going to sit here and write two posts concerning my New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve been neglecting this blog for the last few days as I’ve struggled with my own emotions a bit and my feelings for someone else.
This first post concerns the importance of being honest (not Ernest). Too many times in my life, I find it easier to duck my head beneath my shoulders and to accept the view or direction of another person, particularly if they’re male. I hide thoughts and feelings from the people (or person) I care about most for fear of scaring them away.
For 2013, I’m looking to be more assertive in being upfront and honest, as each situation comes with each new day. By speaking the truth, we will always get an answer. It may not always be the one we had hoped for but, I’d assume then that you’ll only have saved yourself from sorrow and upset later on.
I feel I could or should be sat here now, thinking and coming up with a list of resolutions for the impending new year. Already, I’ve decided that there is one change I am going to try and enforce, day by day and that is to be completely honest with people.
I’ve always considered myself to be an honest person but, as I’m sure many of you will understand; certain situations arrive where it seems easier to lie about your thoughts and feelings. To ‘go with the flow’ for an easier ride.
If I don’t like something, I’m not going to pretend that I’m interested. If I disagree with a statement or procedure at work, I’m going to make my voice heard. This isn’t going to be easy and, if I look at the full picture, it’s going to distort be come an overwhelming blur. That’s why I’m aiming to take it one day at a time. As each day comes. Instead of looking for things, I’ll allow them to happen.
You probably know it as well as I do; there’s only one person right know who I’m going create this playlist for and that’s ‘May’. The one person I love; the one person I will never be able to love. I haven’t quite decided how to do this but, I think I’ll start by posting a list of songs first, followed by the text to explain why. It’s going to be a list of songs that, in my mind, depicts the timeline of our abstract friendship since the beginning of May.
Day 24 – Make a Playlist to Someone and Explain Why You Chose All the Songs
It’s late. Very late. Midnight has passed and, already, Sunday is here. I should be heading to bed for my last lie-in before another five-days of early starts but, I’m sat here, trying to make amends for the ‘weakness’ I’ve shown in my previous post.
Day 27 – The Best Thing Going for Me Right Now
Leading on from my last post, I’d like to say that it’s the fact that I’m a ‘genuine’ guy, whatever that means, hahaha…
Things haven’t been easy for the last twenty-four hours but, I’m still here and, don’t worry; I have no intention of going anywhere other than out for another outdoor adventure tomorrow. I will be back! 🙂 But I’ve skipped Day 24 because, although I could pick some songs, I really don’t know who I’d write or send them to at this time, which could consequently affect my selections. So, on we go to the next.
Day 25 – The Reason I Believe I’m Still Alive Today
My first thought on this one takes me back to the time around and preceding my A-Levels, which should’ve ended in the summer of 2003 (but, I dropped out). The fact that I was going to quit seemed inevitable throughout the second year so, I don’t regret that decision now as much as I used to…
Another day and another challenge. I’ve already worked my way up in to the twenties, which means I haven’t got long left until this month-long challenge is complete! I’m going to try and approach these remaining days as spontaneous and instinctively as possible. Without giving too much and allowing an answer to come through naturally; acknowledging and accepting it.
Day 22 – Something I Wish I Hadn’t Done in My Life