So, I’m Struggling

It’s hard to ignore the fact that winter is very much on its way now.

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Week Five

Is this really week FIVE already?! It’s going by so fast that I appear to have lost all creative originality, when it comes to titling these posts! 😉 I’m now beyond the halfway point, despite missing the session last week. All I can say to summarise is that it is help. It is making a difference and that it is giving me lots to think about and consider. After that synopsis, I trust some of you will still continue to read on… 🙂

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Week 4…

I’m sat here now, having been wanting to write this post all week and yet, I feel as though it’s already been done… That’s partly because it’s been on my mind a lot (feeling a sense of ‘urgency’ and necessity, in spite of a lack of time); but also, there’s a recurrent photo theme that continues on from last week’s belated update.

Had I not just checked my home page before writing this, I would be about to tell you about how I visited Weston-super-Mare after the course on Monday night… Instead, I’m going to tell you the truth from Monday 29th July. I’ll let you know where I did go… But instead of my CBT course!

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Realising?

Hello everyone!

I’m a bit of a bad blogger and I’ve become very good at ‘avoiding’ this blog and those of yours I now feel unable to catch up with (the e-mails arrive weekly and remain unread, before they’re replaced by a new set, seven-days later).

I don’t know how to describe how I am, how I’ve been or how I’m feeling. Up and down is about as close as I can get… I’m just ‘coping’ with things but it doesn’t feel positive. It’s awkward, each day at work is uncomfortable. I try to keep sight of the weekend but it then takes me hours to get out of the bed and to get moving (these low temperatures in the early morning are not helping).

We’ve just had a Bank Holiday weekend in the UK… Saturday, I don’t remember much of whatever I did at home but it was lunchtime by the time I ate “breakfast”. Sunday started much in the same way but I did manage to force myself out for a little walk at lunchtime and soon found myself meditating (if only for ten-minutes) on top of a tall and windy hill with other people moving around me. Actually, I did feel good walking the descent. But that changed when I got home and, on Monday, I felt a kind of ‘illness’ that I cannot describe… I lay in bed until 1pm. I felt all kinds of ‘awful’ for the rest of the day. So many thoughts spinning around inside; I’ve begun to contemplate some terrible things of late (a reason I’m avoiding this blog) and, to be honest, I keep looking for an ‘excuse’ to walk out of my job (as I did in 2007) and to then maybe run myself down…

All that time spent lying idly in bed (awake from 5am not sleeping and un-tired) has lent me plenty of time to think and I feel I’ve made a couple of stark realisations…

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On Recovering

Please don’t get too carried away by the title! Sadly, I haven’t (yet) discovered a permanent cure for depression.

This is going to be a fairly brief post on the benefits of recovering from a more common kind of illness, like the cold I’ve been suffering with for the past two days.

After work on Monday, I noticed my throat was sore and that I was feeling ever so slightly disorientated inside my head. I put it down to a possible occupational ailment but, I woke up the next morning with the running nose and the sneezes occasionally followed throughout Tuesday at work. I don’t think I helped myself by taking the wrong tablets to work with me that day… Instead of cold and flu pills, I was only carrying paracetamols, which don’t usually work as well for me… Well, both boxes are the same colour! 😉

Today I still felt quite rough at times, even after beginning to intended procedure of medicine last night. It’s fair to say that I woke up feeling brighter (even though that faded through the day) and, although my nose remains unclean, it’s flowing as fast or as frequently as the day before. So, I believe I am on the mend. 🙂

That’s the thing about getting ill and then recovering… I find it to be quite a ‘placebo’ of it’s own; helping me to feel better about and stronger within myself.

Do you also find this?

Illu nose nasal cavities

Illu nose nasal cavities (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you are suffering in a similar way at this moment (there are plenty of bugs around) then, I offer you my sympathy.

PS. I just gazed upon my favourite new word – Rhinorrhea – which, I assume, means ‘diarrhoea of the nose‘… 😀

 

2013

In this post, I’m looking forward to the new year. In another post recently, I reflected back on all that I am grateful for from the year of 2012. Now, I’d like to set out a list of ambitions and aspirations for the new year. Some that I will aim to accomplish; others that aren’t a necessity but, they might give me something to hope for.

If I hadn’t deleted my previous blog, I’d be able to reflect on the goals I set out for 2012. I remember one of them being to find a girlfriend; someone to share life with, as I’d just begun internet dating. Well, I may still be living the mostly-single life but, I do feel as though I’ve moved closer to that target. I now know what I like and must look for in a person and I’m less concerned about meeting ‘anyone’ than I am in sharing with someone uniquely special to me.

Let’s carry on with my new list for the new year then, in no particular order:

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