About Noise

Things are generally good with me at the moment and have been for a while now. When I say ‘good’, what I mean is that life’s bearable. I’m coping. I’m not living ‘the time of my life’ for every second as that would be unrealistic and exhausting! Instead, I’m finding ways to challenge myself, stepping out in to new experiences and continuously practising the art of mindfulness; attempting to questioning less.

In the past week or so, I’ve suffered a bit of personal heart-ache after trying to reach out to someone with newly-unearthed feelings but the fact is they’re not mutual and, well, I’ve since learned something about this person has affected my view of her!

Today, this evening and right now, I’d like to raise a topic that I’ve been wanting to discuss for several weeks. I’m hoping this is something that many other anxiety sufferers will be able to relate to. Today, I’d like to talk about noise, to ask how it might affect you and hopefully for us to share some of our coping techniques.

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Muting the Noise

Wow, what a difference a little solitude makes!

Also, having a shower, even late at night, offers some ‘healing properties’, regardless of whether the air outside is hot or cold.

So, today, I forced myself to be bold and to go and sit in my vehicle for each of my three breaks (I know, that probably reads like the opposite of being brave and instead, avoiding a situation…). I walked in to the canteen as usual, picked up my cup of tea and walked out (the last one to leave) without making eye contact with anyone. I couldn’t bear the thought that someone might notice and say something but, they didn’t (at least, not before I’d left the room).

Outside in the car park, I was greeted by a couple of surprised by welcoming faces who were basically on my side.

We’re situated right next to a major motorway but the rushing sounds of passing cars didn’t bother me much. It was so nice to be away from all of that negative energy. To be able to see daylight and to feel the direct warmth of the sun. My mind was spared the usual routine jokes and questions (about others; never about me, I feel inclined to add). That Radio was still blasting away but I was unable to hear it.

PEACE!

Solitude!

And a sense of freedom in my escape from a routine that had dogged me for precisely two-years. 🙂

I’m a little concerned by what might happen in the winter time (if I’m still working here) but, I’ve survived longer lunch breaks and college in the past. I can do it again. I must keep looking after myself! This is one way in which I can combat the ‘noise’ at work. Now, I wonder what I can do about my home life, living with family…?

Poem: ‘Surround Sound’

After writing my last post, I spent an hour sat back (almost lying) on top of my bed. I tried watching TV for a bit, only to find that The Simpsons wasn’t on after all and, I’d missed the local news. I’d already seen both episodes of The Big Bang Theory over on E4 so, I went to a radio station (Planet Rock, which is still playing now). After a ten-minute nap, I reached for my notebook and began to write.

I’ve been back at my mum’s house for almost a whole month now and it’s been strange settling in with all the various noises surrounding me, after sixteen-months of near-isolation (well, it was a detached building). This poem started as something written about my fears and discomfort with all these disturbances but, look back at it and wonder if there might be another message from my subconscious…

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