Today is, of course, Valentine’s Day and this marks the one-year anniversary of the demise of my premature relationship with ‘January’. I suffered a lot of pain in the immediate aftershock of the event and everything that lead up to an outburst of anger and upset. It took me a while to get over it and meeting someone else isn’t always the best solution when you’re vulnerable. Since the beginning of 2013, I’ve had to make further acceptances from within myself and this has all lead to the progress that I’ll try to share in a spontaneous poem below.
I’ve been sat here for the last hour or so, trying to decide on what to write for today’s post while distracting myself with other things (YouTube, Facebook, etc.). I think I’ve had three different thoughts for themes yet now, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I’m just going to write about my morning and whatever’s on my mind…
(I think that’s a warning that this isn’t going to be a positive post!)
I want to write something today but I’m really not sure what I want to say, other than the fact that I don’t particularly like this time of year as I end up feeling very lonely. Perhaps later on today, I’ll take a look at some writing prompts from WordPress. For now though, I’ll try and stick with this to see where it goes.
Christmas Day is, of course, tomorrow; a day where I put on a fake smile and pretend that I’m as happy, inside, as everyone is appears to be. I mean, you’re supposed to be happy and joyful at this time of year, aren’t you?
I feel like I’m only in this for the time off work, which is very welcome. I’ve bought cards that I’ve still yet write but I still feel a bit guilty for not having bought anything for my mum or sister. My only gift so far has been for ‘May’, as I knew what I was going to get her, even though she insisted that I shouldn’t bother. I’ve no idea if she’s even received it or how she’ll treat it with other things that are going on at the moment… I find it hard to buy things for family when they don’t seem to want or ask for anything. 😛
Last Monday, I had a bit of a breakdown and I realised then that I do take my family for granted. It feels as though I don’t need to worry about them because ‘they’ll always be there‘. Friends don’t seem to stick around when you one of you loses interest or you don’t maintain the effort required to stay in touch. Family are always there, whether you want them or not.
A year ago, I joined a couple of internet dating sites in the aim of finding someone special so that I wouldn’t be in the same situation a year later… Yet, here I am; alone again. With no-one. My last two attempts to meet up with ‘May’ (both within the last seven days) have back-fired when she’s been called away to attend to other things (or people). It saddens my heart, leaving me trapped in a state of despair.
It is nice to see family and I should be off to see my granddad this afternoon but, that’s all it is. I don’t have anything else to give; I’ve never felt as though I want anything more from them. I do want my own life but I don’t know why I’m like this.
But it is Christmas Eve and I hope you all have a Happy Day tomorrow. 🙂
- Fighting loneliness, and the government (rjptalk.wordpress.com)
- Ghosts of Christmas Past (cowboysandcrossbones.wordpress.com)
- Company For Christmas (gonzarro.wordpress.com)
- Lonely (khaledamer3.wordpress.com)
- Daily Prompt: Lonely (bellwort.wordpress.com)
- The Interesting Way Being Lonely Could Be Contagious (belmarrahealth.com)
- To A Lonely Dreamer (arcamede.wordpress.com)
This blog is already personal with regards to my feelings, thoughts and emotions so, I don’t see why I can’t also delve in to other areas that I’m interested in (it helps to lighten the mood at times).
For most of this year, I’ve been thinking about how ‘nice’ it might be to have a new phone. My Nokia 7230 is only two-years old but, it seems to be so far behind technology. I’m quite active on the internet and I see this as a reason to consider upgrading. I might then make better use of Twitter, I’d be able to instantly share photos with friends on Facebook and, I might even be able to stay in touch with readers and fellow bloggers during my lunch breaks. My current phone does have internet access but, it’s very slow and you have to use the buttons to move the mouse pointer/cursor (as it’s not included in my contract plan though, I really shouldn’t bother using it to try and read e-mails – last month, I ended up doubling my bill through internet usage!)
It’s been on my mind for a while but, I feel a bit ‘lost’ in the world of smart phones, androids and all that… What really separates at iPhone from the rest of the competition?
It was after reading this article on Yahoo just now that I felt compelled to blog about it and hopefully get some views and opinions from those more knowledgeable on the subject.