What is Right?

I sit here, beginning to write, at a time when I should already be tucked up in bed. I’ve been wanting to share this. I’ve felt a need to take these invisible words, to set them out on a blank screen and to try and make some sense of it all. But for other commitments, I would’ve completed this a couple of hours earlier. I’m not low but I may be on the verge of falling in love.

Over the past weekend, I met someone. Our rendezvous was planned in advance; an encounter we’d been thinking of for several weeks prior. This was not borne of a dating website, although social media was involved.

I had my expectations and, to put it simply, I saw this woman as stunning in the physical form, even before we met. I assumed she’d be intelligent and, based on the manner in which we agreed to meet, it was clear that we shared at least one common love.

Over the last 2 years, I’ve been fortunate to have met several women. Some who I now consider friends; others who I’ve attained to be more. I’ve met with the social awkwardness and the comfort to be found in good company. I must admit, I had some hope for this latest greeting. Yet, in spite of all I could imagine leading up to the event; I hadn’t envisaged meeting with someone where it just felt right.

I can’t really explain it any better than that. In the past, I’ve had good feelings but I couldn’t honestly say they were mutual. I could be wrong again here. I’m not trying to say as though I’m in love with this girl. Yet, I feel as though I could so easily fall over that edge. Because I want to. I want this like I’ve never wanted anything else before.

She’s got the kind of intelligence I really value; an attribute sadly lacking from someone of whom I’ve allowed (previously) to do little more than deplete me. I’m gradually letting one kite sail away as I move on to set sail beneath skies bearing less of a storm.

At the end of it all, all she really wants is to be able to return home to a quiet life. Away from the hustle and bustle of the city. An open space with room and time to unwind. Too often, I might people who can’t live without the bright lights and ever-present noise. I feel almost as if the wind direction is changing and as though things might be about to turn in my favour… We’ve only met once but we seemed to complement each other rather well. One thing I am certain of is that we’re both keen to meet again, when it’s mutually convenient.

For the rest of the day, I carried a smile that provided previously unbeknown motivation. After arriving home, I marched soon in to a social interaction with confidence like I’d never known before… It was if a rocket was trailing from behind me! One day passes and I still hold on; I question whether my feelings are beginning to grow. By the second day and a return to my weekday ‘routine’, I’m feeling lost and very distant from the memory; my smile is now a secret. Come the next day, I just want to run in the opposite direction, in a desperate attempt to relive a moment that’s already passed.

I’m not currently in love with her and I’m filling my head with all kinds of questions and uncertainty… But I still maintain that it felt right. There’s a chance romance could one day develop. A high probability exists that we shall meet again. But I fear what will happen if I’m found out and unprepared. What if I’m wrong again?

You are the third person I’ve told; the second for whom I have shared a little more than the absolute basic details. I’d like to apologise to a friend of mine who may be reading this, as I haven’t yet told her about this… You might have an e-mail coming your way!

I’d like to end this post by sharing another Pearl Jam song. This one is by no means indicative of my mood. It’s how the music, the melody and all the chords (with a vague recollection of the lyrics) are a background tune to my regular thoughts. I admire this song, just as I can admire one woman beyond another.

Thanks and good night!

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‘Sirens’ – Pearl Jam

The other week, I mentioned that I was going to share one of Pearl Jam’s latest songs off the album that’s due out in, well, perhaps a matter of days by now! That reminds me of a desire to place an order. It’s been half-a-year since I bought any new music and I always look forward to new work from this band. Anyway, this is Sirens; the second single to be released from Lightning Bolt.

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‘Release Me’

I’m wanting to write but the words aren’t quite there. I’ve never been great at pin-pointing a thought, let alone determining where it’s come from. I can’t decided whether to try and write here or whether to e-mail my friend privately, as I know she would be there. Maybe I just need some more time to think, without going over it all too much.

My intention today was to share with you a song this evening. Several hours ago, it was going to be the second single from Pearl Jam‘s forthcoming album (which I can barely stop whistling at work and replaying in my mind). Perhaps you’ll have to wait until next week for that one, if you’re not already off to YouTube.

But another Pearl Jam song popped up on my feed earlier on and that’s what I’ve decided to share. A track that has always resonated a sense of power with untamed emotion. This live recording barely disappoints.

Although, I’m open to interpretations as to what happens to Eddie Vedder right before the end! 🙂

And, the lyrics…

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Day 24 – Make a Playlist to Someone

You probably know it as well as I do; there’s only one person right know who I’m going create this playlist for and that’s ‘May’. The one person I love; the one person I will never be able to love. I haven’t quite decided how to do this but, I think I’ll start by posting a list of songs first, followed by the text to explain why. It’s going to be a list of songs that, in my mind, depicts the timeline of our abstract friendship since the beginning of May.

Day 24 – Make a Playlist to Someone and Explain Why You Chose All the Songs

(Just Post the Titles, Artists and Letter)

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‘Just Breathe’

I’ve been quite negative with my recent posts and I’ve also written letters to two of my favourite bands and artists. Now though, I’d like to try and lighten the mood a a bit and share with you a song from another of my favourites, Pearl Jam.

I only bought my first album six-years ago but they immediately wrestled Incubus for that elusive top-spot in my mind. Much of their earlier work can be associated with ‘grunge’ but, that’s not to say that anything from the last decade is lacking. It’s different and, above all others right now, this song is one of the most heart-felt (in my opinion anyway).

I’d even go as far as to call this an ‘Eddie Vedder solo’, rather than a complete band effort. If you’re not aware, he is also a solo artist and, yes, I’m a fan of his own work, even though I’m still yet to buy his second album… I first heard this song live on the Tonight with Jay Leno Show (yes, in the UK, we can get CNBC through Freesat). Actually, it might have been Jimmy Fallon, which I don’t regularly watch… Either way, it was covered by another band (I forget!) and their rendition of this 2009 track just opened it up for me.

Enjoy and just breathe. 🙂

PS. I’ve just checked and it was Willie Nelson who covered this song that night – you know, the guy with the long, ginger braided hair; most famous for his appearance in The Simpsons… (Well, that’s how I knew of him, anyway!! :-P)