Open Door

Even when I close the door, I never turn the key.

Should I hear a ring or knock, I will always answer. Eventually.

It’s a sound I can’t ignore.

A presence I’m half expecting.

Always waiting for.

Knowing that one day, she will always return.

My mind remains hushed while the body rattles.

I still expect the same end result.

I do this out of kindness.

I do not expect change.

It’s a test of resolve. A chance for redemption.

She has to make an effort. This year will soon draw to a close.

A divide exists. His eyes burn with nicotine in demand.

Those fists, I can’t restrain. But my door is always open.

I won’t lie. I can’t hide. Too many times, I’ve tried.

Advertisements

Back to Bed

My posting has been infrequent here lately and it’s even more rare to find a second post from me within the same day. Usually, it’s not a great sign. Or, at least, an indication that something is troubling me.

After writing my previous post this morning, I felt as though I was lying to myself. Although I didn’t write it, I wanted to try and portray the message that I was okay with having nothing to do today and no-one to see… I wasn’t. I haven’t been alright. In fact, since I woke up this morning after my most disruptive night’s sleep for several weeks, I’ve felt like bursting in to tears on several occasions. Continue reading

‘Love Will Find a Way’ – Yes

Here’s a song for you this week; one perhaps a little softer and less-depressing than my usual offerings. I hope no-one confuses this with any similarly-titled recording from a female artist…

That one line, ‘Here is my heart‘ is one that regularly echoes inside my skull. The rest of this song is obsolete and very hard to remember. It’s been playing on loop in my head for the past 24 hours and, gradually, the title line (‘Love will find a way‘) has made its way in to my playlist.

Driving to work this morning, this song appeared on the radio, not long before I arrived at my dreaded destination. I love it when coincidences like that happen! I begin to believe that there is some ‘unfathomable force‘ watching over us, guiding our way… There’s only one other Yes song I can ever think of and that has the kind of title that I’m sure many of us can relate to (‘Owner of a Lonely Heart‘). Hearing the band reminded me of how much I used to enjoy listening to Rick Wakeman‘s Saturday morning show on Planet Rock… Before I started working shifts and consequently missed the final ten-weeks’ worth of broadcasting and entertainment. Rick was the keyboard player in Yes at some point. Ironically, I’m not sure whether he was present during the original recording of this song.

Just reading through the lyrics (continue reading below), it seems like a song full of optimism and near-silent hope. It’s the kind of message that people are often telling me to believe in. Fate and all of that. Don’t try to force things; if it’s meant to be, it will be.

Continue reading

Poem: ‘Nothing Left’

‘Nothing Left’

I love you so much

It begins to hurt

My heart, restrained

Feelings still inert

I wish you could hear

Words I’m wanting to say

But how do I know

Would they scare you away?

Without you, I’m empty

I wish you were there

You had your own reasons

For which, you won’t share

More than half a year

You’re drifting away

I don’t like to say it

But soon, will come that day

I find my arms weakening

My face is a mess

If you could see my view

You wouldn’t settle for less

I’m back now, with nothing

These days never end

Has fate turned against us?

Does your heart pretend?

Poem: Forever Young (Daily Prompt)

If there were a real Fountain of Youth, would you drink the water?

This is the first time I’ve attempted to write something based on a  Daily Prompt but, as I sit here, still awaiting news of how and when I can collect my van from the MOT test today (they’ve had it since Friday), I thought I’d give it a go. With a poem, naturally. I must also thank hastywords for directing my attention to this regular feature on WordPress. 🙂

‘Forever Young’

It doesn’t have to be this way
Your future lies ahead
One path set out in front of you
This concrete hasn’t set

Please, find the strength
Within yourself
This way, with me
For better health

Remember LOST?
That mysterious land
With Richard Alpert
Immortality, from Jacob’s hand

The island’s gone
But there’s still hope
Just one more hill
And down the slope

We can go back
There is still time
We’ll start again
Forever, yours and mine

Please, take a sip
You must go first
I’ll be right behind you
Please, quench your thirst

Poem: ‘A Weekend Wasted’

‘A Weekend Wasted’

Three days off
With places to go
No wheels on the driveway and
Walking’s too slow

Why did I do this?
I let him decide
My loss of independence
I’m trapped to reside

Familiar evenings
Stuck in my own home
Family enclosing

Yet, I feel so alone

You made your decision
You gave me no choice
Even if I had shouted
You’d ignore my voice

I wish I could leave
To find my own way
Instead, I must wait
At least one more day

Poem: ‘All In Vain’

‘All In Vain’

A shining sun
With skies so blue
A winter’s day
To share, with you

Our time apart
So many weeks
To see your smile
And raise your cheeks

We made a plan
It all went so well
Those photos you took
They’d surely sell

Home time arrived
Why always so fast?
That warm, flowing feeling
I want it to last

Again, I feel I’m second best
As if my work is for the the rest
A man you love, he’s in control
An evil bastard with no soul

I am afraid of what I know
For the love I may never show
Tears fall, my head sinks and then
Fears I’ll never see you again

Push too far and
I will break
I’m here to save you
For goodness’ sake!