Friends or Lovers?

Tonight, I propose to you a question. It’s one I’ve never been able to answer and I welcome each and every opinion you may have to share. As far as I’m concerned, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. I feel like I’m hoping to find my own answer…

What’s the difference between friendship and a relationship with a person?

I know it’s been a while since I last wrote here but I’d like you all to know that I’m doing well and that things are generally good in my life. That’s not to suggest that I’m constantly flying around the world, skydiving from one plane to the next and saving lives – as that would be extremely unrealistic! But I’m continuously moving forwards and trying new things. After 18 months of heartache, I feel like I’m ready to allow my heart to warm to someone else…

Someone I’ve known for less than a year. A woman who began as a friend and, who I feel this year, has begun to emerge as someone much more. Time will have to tell our fate or fortune. I can’t predict and I cannot promise. But I can hope.

It feels very different this time.

Thanks for being there. I would love to hear your own answers to the question.

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Three Months Waiting

I really should try to sit down properly and write a poem on this but, I’m also afraid of getting too deeply involved in it all, just when I feel I might be beginning to find my way to cope with the news of the engagement from a few weeks ago.

It’s been exactly three-months to the day (although, that was a Saturday), since May and I last met in person (this discounts the one occasion a few weeks ago where I believe I drove past her as she walked along the pavement with her brother…). I am sorry that we’ve not been able to meet up in this time, even though she has suggested that it could’ve happened at several points.

This post really isn’t about me… I still have my fears for her and, however much I try to distance myself from her, I cannot shake away my concerns. Again, I’m reluctant to take any of this personally or to heart, as I have no reason to believe that she has seen any of her other friends in that time and, I’m still asking myself, why?

There’s not a lot that I could do, whatever the true situation may be. I know she was well aware of this ‘unhealthiness‘ when we first met (she told me as much) but, it’s sad to see her suspected slide back down in to the same old state.

We’ve actually had a rather promising and productive week, as friends. Just as I’m trying to distance myself by not messaging her too often (I know that sounds cold), a text arrives to say how scared she is about a certain incident. She came straight to me, ahead of anyone else. I could question why she didn’t contact her fiancée but, I was delighted to be able offer reassurance. She then replied to say how she knew that she could only really get the best opinion from me. Well, okay, if do you say so… 😀

But, as soon as I turned to the question of whether she’d like to meet up soon (no date, no suggestions) – silence. Message read, without reply. Hmmmm…

Yesterday morning, I decided to send her a short story she had asked about a week or two earlier. It’s more of a first-person journal entry from my perspective of the day we first met. But, over 2,000 spread across three A4 pages, nonetheless!! I was concerned she might get the wrong impression over some of my views but, she read it straight away and loved it! She even had the acute audacity to remind me that I’d forgotten at least one event from the day (I could recall a second as well).

Maybe it’s just women… (No offence intended towards anyone!) You can’t love them, you can’t live with them and, it’s not even that straight-forward being friends with them…. 😳

(Of course, I am joking but, it helps to show that my mood is in better spirits this evening. ;-))