Back to Bed

My posting has been infrequent here lately and it’s even more rare to find a second post from me within the same day. Usually, it’s not a great sign. Or, at least, an indication that something is troubling me.

After writing my previous post this morning, I felt as though I was lying to myself. Although I didn’t write it, I wanted to try and portray the message that I was okay with having nothing to do today and no-one to see… I wasn’t. I haven’t been alright. In fact, since I woke up this morning after my most disruptive night’s sleep for several weeks, I’ve felt like bursting in to tears on several occasions. Continue reading

Home Is Where the Hiking Is (or Was)

It’s been almost twenty-four hours since I last had anything to eat and I don’t think I managed more than two-hours worth of sleep last night. I left work yesterday feeling ‘a bit ill’ and not-right, before I found myself sat on the toilet and, well, I’ll spare you the details! Needless to say, it’s leave me feeling very weak and ‘hurty’ (like a flu bug) and, as I’m not feeling much better today, it looks like I’ll have to pass on the planned group walk this evening.

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At least now, I have a chance to sit down and write about the walk I went on last Sunday. There aren’t many photos to share but I’ll try to keep you entertained.

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I Walk Alone

Today, I went out and met up with the walking group for a ten-mile hike around the Cotswold hills of South Gloucestershire. Getting up and getting going was far from easy, even though I woke up in plenty of time. I was aiming to leave the house at 9.15am and to arrive at the meeting point early, with time to spare. But, it was already 9.30am by the time I accelerated away from the drive and I, quite literally, arrived at the meeting point bang on time, making a flamboyant, fast-paced 180° turn in to a vacant parking space!

Coaley Peak.

Coaley Peak (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have a confession to make before we go any further… Despite walking for more than three hours today, with clear views towards the Severn Estuary and plenty of trees within the local woodland, I neglected to take even a single photograph! So, for the purpose of making this post more enjoyable, I’m going to have to use images from other sources, respectfully paying credit where it’s due.

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T’ai Chi, Anyone?

Talking to someone earlier, she told me how she has used martial arts in the past to build on her confidence. I know from my brief experience in counselling that meditation can work well for me and, as a kid, I always wanted to learn karate; I never had the confidence to even admit to it; fearing that I wouldn’t good enough.

Now, I’m an adult; moving ever closer to the big 3-0. I’m growing within myself and, as the persistent grey clouds Christmas begin to clear, I’m looking forward with more optimism for myself. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday, where I’ll again raise my issues with depression and will enquire about the availability of CBT among other things.

(Photo credit: Londontaichi.org.uk)

As you might have already guessed, I’m also thinking about the possibility of learning some form of martial art this year.

Have you ever tried T’ai Chi?

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‘How Soon is Now?’ – The Smiths

This song was featured on Radio 2 earlier today as I pushed myself through my first working Monday for about a month.

They seem to play it once every so often. For me, each time I hear this song is a reminder of the final day of my first college course.

That very first ‘riff’ (if that’s what it is – the guitar-noise that sounds like a whine…) as the song kicks off fills my mind with the monochrome image of our small group of no more than ten, sat inside one of the local pubs at lunchtime.

Instantly, my mind’s eye turns to a friend I never really knew; one of those people you feel a connection with and what to know but, for your own fears and reservations, you hold yourself back and, naturally, you drift away in separate directions. We had a mutual interest in music and our two favourite bands (yes, Incubus was one of them! ;-)). When this song came on over the jukebox, he was pestering another member of our class (who was a Morrissey fan) to know what this track was called. I didn’t know either but, I was equally as intrigued. Just not as confident to actively stake my interest amongst the crowd.

I think back to those days and how I used to travel with the group to the pub. Sitting amongst them yet still, feeling like an outsider. I used to be quite good at pool and, as a kid, we had our own snooker table at home (plus the space to use it). I’ll never forget the old couple who were in there every lunchtime. That old, bearded man, never short of a pint in one hand, cue in the other. Then, there was his wife… She must’ve been close to 70 yet, she still managed to wipe the floor with me on the green felt!!

I quite miss pool and snooker and only now spend time in pubs for either an alcohol-free drink with someone or, being fortunate where I live, we have a selection of pubs close-by offering good meals at reasonable prices.

I’m not a fan of Morrissey but, that’s beside the point; this post is about what this song means to me, as I return to June of 2006. 🙂

(Deftones did a good cover of another song that I like as well.)

Read on for the lyrics.

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