No Friend of Mine

I feel a bit of a rant coming on this afternoon… When something or someone irritates me, this is my way of choosing to deal with that emotion. I stop and assess where some might make a spontaneous decision. I choose to write here instead of biting back at any other person.

No sooner had I written once previously about saying ‘goodbye’ to someone and how I finally felt like I was moving on from that… This same person surprisingly emerged days later and on Facebook of all places!

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‘Love Will Find a Way’ – Yes

Here’s a song for you this week; one perhaps a little softer and less-depressing than my usual offerings. I hope no-one confuses this with any similarly-titled recording from a female artist…

That one line, ‘Here is my heart‘ is one that regularly echoes inside my skull. The rest of this song is obsolete and very hard to remember. It’s been playing on loop in my head for the past 24 hours and, gradually, the title line (‘Love will find a way‘) has made its way in to my playlist.

Driving to work this morning, this song appeared on the radio, not long before I arrived at my dreaded destination. I love it when coincidences like that happen! I begin to believe that there is some ‘unfathomable force‘ watching over us, guiding our way… There’s only one other Yes song I can ever think of and that has the kind of title that I’m sure many of us can relate to (‘Owner of a Lonely Heart‘). Hearing the band reminded me of how much I used to enjoy listening to Rick Wakeman‘s Saturday morning show on Planet Rock… Before I started working shifts and consequently missed the final ten-weeks’ worth of broadcasting and entertainment. Rick was the keyboard player in Yes at some point. Ironically, I’m not sure whether he was present during the original recording of this song.

Just reading through the lyrics (continue reading below), it seems like a song full of optimism and near-silent hope. It’s the kind of message that people are often telling me to believe in. Fate and all of that. Don’t try to force things; if it’s meant to be, it will be.

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Acceptance

There’s one issue in my life that’s been quite a ‘theme’ for this blog in recent months and it’s not something I’ve openly written much about lately. There are a few individuals who I’ve confided in with this (you each know who you are) and I appreciate every effort you have made to just be there and support me and my own thoughts.

Now, it’s time for me to make my own decision. In fact, it’s one that I’ve already made…

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I DO Have Friends!

Hopefully you read my previous post on being honest… Well, a few days ago, I began writing a poem flooded with thoughts of my own loneliness and the discomfort I often feel within my own skin. I wanted to say how much I wish that you all are ‘real’. Your offers and hugs, thoughts and well wishes are greatly appreciated. I only wish we could share them physically (especially the hugs).

My second Resolution for 2013 is to make a better effort to acknowledge and spend time with friends, because I do have some who mean a lot to me, even if I don’t seen them very often or ever at all. They are mostly female and I think I have a fear of men generally. My intentions of friendship remain genuine with each and all of them. I a still seriously ‘hung up’ on May (in fact, she even mentioned that she noticed and suspected it herself – that’s when it first scared her, apparently).

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Lonely

I want to write something today but I’m really not sure what I want to say, other than the fact that I don’t particularly like this time of year as I end up feeling very lonely. Perhaps later on today, I’ll take a look at some writing prompts from WordPress. For now though, I’ll try and stick with this to see where it goes.

Christmas Day is, of course, tomorrow; a day where I put on a fake smile and pretend that I’m as happy, inside, as everyone is appears to be. I mean, you’re supposed to be happy and joyful at this time of year, aren’t you?

I feel like I’m only in this for the time off work, which is very welcome. I’ve bought cards that I’ve still yet write but I still feel a bit guilty for not having bought anything for my mum or sister. My only gift so far has been for ‘May’, as I knew what I was going to get her, even though she insisted that I shouldn’t bother. I’ve no idea if she’s even received it or how she’ll treat it with other things that are going on at the moment… I find it hard to buy things for family when they don’t seem to want or ask for anything. 😛

Last Monday, I had a bit of a breakdown and I realised then that I do take my family for granted. It feels as though I don’t need to worry about them because ‘they’ll always be there‘. Friends don’t seem to stick around when you one of you loses interest or you don’t maintain the effort required to stay in touch. Family are always there, whether you want them or not.

A year ago, I joined a couple of internet dating sites in the aim of finding someone special so that I wouldn’t be in the same situation a year later… Yet, here I am; alone again. With no-one. My last two attempts to meet up with ‘May’ (both within the last seven days) have back-fired when she’s been called away to attend to other things (or people). It saddens my heart, leaving me trapped in a state of despair.

It is nice to see family and I should be off to see my granddad this afternoon but, that’s all it is. I don’t have anything else to give; I’ve never felt as though I want anything more from them. I do want my own life but I don’t know why I’m like this.

But it is Christmas Eve and I hope you all have a Happy Day tomorrow. 🙂

 

Bruce Springsteen – ‘Tunnel of Love’

As I haven’t written anything on these blog for a few days and I’m feeling better than I was for the initial days, I thought I’d share one of my favourite Bruce Springsteen song with you:

Whatever some people may think of ‘The Boss’, this one is much better than the Christmas song they keep playing on Radio 2!

I don’t think I really need to say why I like this one in particular. 🙂

For the lyrics, you’ll have to read on, below.

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