For six-months now, I’ve been wondering. Unknowing. Unable to receive a response. It was only while talking to someone else about their own problems recently that I realised I could to my writing, in an effort to restore order and peace to my mind. If only for a short while.
Once again, it’s been a while since I last wrote here and it’s been even longer, I’m sure, since I last wrote about love.
Beware though, because I come writing with good news! Followed by a familiar hint of anxiety.
This post is the release of words I’m holding on to. A truth I feel a need to be shared. A good friend recently encouraged me to question the necessity of sharing these secrets with one individual but as each days go on, I feel that urge, burning on the back of my neck. It feels as if the right time is approaching. I see it as an means of drawing a conclusion to what is an ever-complex situation I find myself in.
For now, I write here, anonymously, in the hope of achieving containment.
First day of the week; second day in a brand-new month and it’s time for me to share the latest reflections of my mind that have come about within the last 24 hours.
Sunday was EPIC, as far as achievements go. I completed an incredible challenge and left the event feeling great for that. Except, along with those feelings of elation, there existed a cloud of sorrow, sadness and missing out. A formation comparatively minute in size, yet impossible to ignore; the evident dark splodge in an otherwise celestial clear blue sky.
Tonight, I propose to you a question. It’s one I’ve never been able to answer and I welcome each and every opinion you may have to share. As far as I’m concerned, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. I feel like I’m hoping to find my own answer…
What’s the difference between friendship and a relationship with a person?
I know it’s been a while since I last wrote here but I’d like you all to know that I’m doing well and that things are generally good in my life. That’s not to suggest that I’m constantly flying around the world, skydiving from one plane to the next and saving lives – as that would be extremely unrealistic! But I’m continuously moving forwards and trying new things. After 18 months of heartache, I feel like I’m ready to allow my heart to warm to someone else…
Someone I’ve known for less than a year. A woman who began as a friend and, who I feel this year, has begun to emerge as someone much more. Time will have to tell our fate or fortune. I can’t predict and I cannot promise. But I can hope.
It feels very different this time.
Thanks for being there. I would love to hear your own answers to the question.
Whenever I e-mail a friend (the ones I e-mail are the ones I’m closest to, as it’s my best way of expressing myself), I regularly forget to include subjects paragraphs (talking points, if you will). My messages can be long enough even in their incomplete state (you should know that from having read followed blog) but I realised after writing a post here, yesterday (last year, hahaha!) that I forgot to share a big thinking-point that I’d come up with during my hours of contemplation.
Here we are at the end of my first full-year on this blog. It’s ended in a more distant way than I would’ve expected. I mean, I had’t anticipated going on somewhat of an ‘exile’ from my own pages for much of the final few months. But I can recall back to last year’s post without entering any search terms and in this post, I’m going to reflect on my intentions for 2013, along with trying to summarise my achievements and realisations.
Is this really week FIVE already?! It’s going by so fast that I appear to have lost all creative originality, when it comes to titling these posts! 😉 I’m now beyond the halfway point, despite missing the session last week. All I can say to summarise is that it is help. It is making a difference and that it is giving me lots to think about and consider. After that synopsis, I trust some of you will still continue to read on… 🙂
My posting has been infrequent here lately and it’s even more rare to find a second post from me within the same day. Usually, it’s not a great sign. Or, at least, an indication that something is troubling me.
After writing my previous post this morning, I felt as though I was lying to myself. Although I didn’t write it, I wanted to try and portray the message that I was okay with having nothing to do today and no-one to see… I wasn’t. I haven’t been alright. In fact, since I woke up this morning after my most disruptive night’s sleep for several weeks, I’ve felt like bursting in to tears on several occasions. Continue reading
Why do I often feel as though people don’t believe me?
I’m not an overly sarcastic person; that side only really shows through when I’m feeling slightly confident and even close to relaxed around people. Yet, I can think of several occasions throughout my life where others don’t appear to accept some of the truths and feelings that I’m trying to share.