I had intended to join in with a group activity event today. It’s something I do quite regularly and I still owe many thanks to ‘B’ (if ever she reads this) for suggesting the idea AND finding the information five years ago.
I could be off now, trying to do something on my own… Instead, I’ve chosen to sit here and write. Partly so that I can hide away from the world but also, in an attempt to save myself from too much inner suffering and slaughter.
Another ‘stunning’ image from my smartphone’s camera provides the prompt for this evening’s post!
Decaf Tea Bags – Ready for Work!
I’ve mentioned before on this blog that in-taking large amounts of caffeine can recreate the effects and symptoms of anxiety in an average person. This is something that was affirmed to me by my CBT worker when we met a few weeks back.
I haven’t made many posts about food on this blog and, following on from a bit of an absence recently due to technical problems at my end (things are looking okay at the moment – touch wood), I feel like just going with this right now and telling you a bit about my diet for the past week.
There’s no doubt about it and, this is something I may’ve touched on before. Since I moved back in to my mum’s house in August, my diet has become anything but fully organised and, with that, there’s always the risk that my health (in some capacity) may have suffered as a consequence.
I’m really struggling at the moment. My mood hasn’t been this low for a while. Hope is fading and I’m beginning to contemplate terrible things that I have always anticipated happening later in life. I’ve booked a counselling session for next week so, I’m going to try and get back in to that and see if I can find anything inside to talk about and hopefully make a start on this CBT.
In an effort to distract myself tonight though, I would like to show you my fridge!
Inside my fridge!
In fact, talking about ‘food’ and eating generally is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while. I’m less of a spontaneous writer (and person), you see. Everything has to be planned, to some extent. Timing has to be right and all the parts and pieces of the puzzle need to arrive perfectly at the correct time.
In a way, I’d first like to dedicate this post to someone I recently met online through Twitter. Her name’s Linda (@beautiful_again) and she has two inspiring blogs. The one that’s inspired this post is titled Making Things Beautiful Again, highlighting her fight to reduce the unnecessary clutter in her home which, as I’m sure many of us are aware, can have a debilitating effect on our mental state. Her other blog is titled Walks With Cookie, where she talks more openly about her battles with three forms of mental illness that I’m sure we can all relate to. A beautiful person doing beautiful things. On her first blog, she set out to do something small each day for one month. It could be as simple as tidying a small area within the bathroom; whatever it is, it helps and, as the days go on, you start to see a greater improvement while feeling as though it has required less effort.
This is a snapshot of the desk where I sit at with my laptop. I’ve had it less than two months and, I’ve only been back at mum’s since August but, already, I’ve allowed the mess behind to take over and it bothers me, each time I sit here.
Don’t worry, I’m not all ‘lovey-dovey’ with my closest friend tonight. I’ve actually been feeling quite shit today (for want of a better word – crap?!), in spite of the fact that I enjoyed a few hours in the great outdoors and sunshine yesterday. It’s Sunday again!
Honestly, I wish they would just rename this: ‘The Day Before Monday‘… That’s all it ever feels like, to me.
Flicking through the pages, there’s another piece of my ‘short-writing’ that I’d like to share with you right now. The afternoon is passing quickly and my thoughts are already turning to waking up at 6am (usually sooner), ready for another depressing day at work, starting at 7am. I hate the day-job I have now, about as much as I’ve hated every other; each one for different reasons.
What I hate most of all though, is that I don’t ever seem to do anything on a weekend. I went out to see family yesterday afternoon but, I’ve spent most of today lying in bed, listening to music. I could blame the rain but, it’s not really the weather’s fault. I’m like this every Sunday; living the same old routine, without actually ‘living’, or so it feels.
Life should be about balance, I believe – and, that is something I do not have right now.