I want to try and keep this one going as a positive post because I’ve done well to drag myself out of bed, out of the house and out in to the fresh air of the Somerset countryside. Ever since I finished work yesterday lunchtime though, my mood has been on a steady decline. I spent the afternoon sleeping on top of my bed; I couldn’t even be bothered to walk the dog. My evening was no more pro-active and I was struggling to get going today. Even when I left the house, I wasn’t really in the mood and this usually changes once I’m out and about…
Maybe I’m finally getting bored of my own company? I have thoughts of not having to return to work until Thursday but still, I know I’m going to spend this time on my own. Maybe it was the setting?
Whatever the cause, I’m feeling low today and, not for the first time since I’ve been in counselling, I’m finding myself unable to crawl down and ‘hide away’ in my secret, safe space. It’s surrounded by nature; buried beneath a layer of leaves and grass. Inside, it is dark but, the walls are warm and earthly. Now, it’s as if someone’s concreted over and filled it in. I cannot break through, I cannot get in. I’m left stand out in the cold, exposed, feeling the way that I do right now.
Last night, I wasn’t feeling at my best, as you’re probably aware from my previous post. This cold was still hanging around when I awoke this morning but, I forced myself in to doing a ten-minute meditation for self-esteem and, after that and listening to some music, I was feeling better about facing the ‘lonely’ day ahead. I was up by 8 o’clock eating my bacon sandwich and I was then online, planning the day’s adventure (I’d decided to give it a try, even though my nose was running and I wasn’t able to contain any of my sneezes).
This week, I ventured over to Leigh Woods, which is a twenty-minute drive from home and, only a mile away (maybe less) from the Ashton Court Estate that I visited last week. It always seems to be the way with these days out… I don’t expect much at all. Even before I leave, I’m telling myself that it won’t live up to the previous day out. Yet, Ashton Court impressed me last week and, even though my camera’s battery died after only two-hours today, I still feel very good for having gotten out of the house.
This was somewhere I’d not been before. At least, not as far as I can remember… I can recall visiting some woodland with a friend’s family as a child but, wherever that was, the drive felt much longer.