Today, I’m writing to explore my need to be loved.
Hello! How are we all?
It’s been so long since I’ve sat down to write here that it felt remarkably strange, entering my user name to log-in to this unforgotten place.
I hope the title above these words doesn’t alarm anyone as I have mostly positive points to share.
Things are generally good with me at the moment and have been for a while now. When I say ‘good’, what I mean is that life’s bearable. I’m coping. I’m not living ‘the time of my life’ for every second as that would be unrealistic and exhausting! Instead, I’m finding ways to challenge myself, stepping out in to new experiences and continuously practising the art of mindfulness; attempting to questioning less.
In the past week or so, I’ve suffered a bit of personal heart-ache after trying to reach out to someone with newly-unearthed feelings but the fact is they’re not mutual and, well, I’ve since learned something about this person has affected my view of her!
Today, this evening and right now, I’d like to raise a topic that I’ve been wanting to discuss for several weeks. I’m hoping this is something that many other anxiety sufferers will be able to relate to. Today, I’d like to talk about noise, to ask how it might affect you and hopefully for us to share some of our coping techniques.
So, last night – I seem to begin a lot of posts while speaking in the past-tense. It seems rare that I ever seem to talk about how or where I am right now… Hmmmm.
Anyway, yesterday evening, I came to a rather shocking realisation about myself whilst lying on my settee, casually watching a DVD and contemplating. How I came to this understanding, I feel, relates to a link which a good friend of mine shared on Facebook earlier in the day, with a quote which relates to meditation and how we can find ourselves afraid to look in to the depths of the murky water once the ripples have faded and calmness is achieved. That’s certainly one reason I don’t meditate as often as I could but, I now need to get to the point of this post.
Here we are at the end of my first full-year on this blog. It’s ended in a more distant way than I would’ve expected. I mean, I had’t anticipated going on somewhat of an ‘exile’ from my own pages for much of the final few months. But I can recall back to last year’s post without entering any search terms and in this post, I’m going to reflect on my intentions for 2013, along with trying to summarise my achievements and realisations.
As I begin to write this post, I’m aware that it may not reach you on the same day. My internet connection is ‘unstable’ at the moment but I intend to get that sorted next week. That’s the main reason I’ve been so quite in the last month, where I’ve been wanting to check in and to let you know that I’m still here.
I’ve had one of those days where I managed to start but didn’t want to keep going. And then, not long before it was time to go home, positive energy sprung out from within and I was almost wanting to stay on later and beyond my means! The human mind is a very complicated thing. If I was still at work now, I wouldn’t have made it to the meditation class earlier this evening, where we talked about the brain, the mind and Buddhist beliefs of life after death.