Cutting Out Caffeine

Another ‘stunning’ image from my smartphone’s camera provides the prompt for this evening’s post!

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Decaf Tea Bags – Ready for Work!

 

I’ve mentioned before on this blog that in-taking large amounts of caffeine can recreate the effects and symptoms of anxiety in an average person. This is something that was affirmed to me by my CBT worker when we met a few weeks back.

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First Step

Before I disappear to clean up and get ready to head our later for a gig I’ve been invited to this evening, I’d like to sit here and attempt to collect my thoughts on my experience during week one of the Anxiety Management course; funded by the NHS and available locally through Positive Step.

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‘I Should Be Happy’

As a friend, I recognise that I am trustworthy; an ear above open arms, ready to accept and receive. I can help to remind someone of their own worth and the significance of their person happiness, without offering blatant advice.

When it comes to helping myself though, I’m the first one to say that I don’t deserve it. That I should be happy. My life isn’t now where I hoped it would be, a decade ago. How I’m almost 28 and I still don’t have ‘enough’.

This is why I’m feeling so low at the moment. Another reason I’m disgruntled at work, because I’m dissatisfied with and critical of the view from behind my eyes. This weekend was a great opportunity to see my three friends and I enjoyed every moment of that. Yet, it feels like I used to after travelling home from seeing my ex-girlfriend last year; I’ve returned to the realisation of all that I do not have.

I can’t seem to escape this at the moment; the realisation that I’m settling for so much less in my life. Total dissatisfaction within my day job is something that I can change in time. I’ve been putting up with this for too long, simply because I’m afraid to make the change; afraid of having to potentially explain why this is already my third job since October 2010. Afraid of going through months of rejection, all over again… Under-qualified, inexperienced and lacking in self-belief or, as my counsellor used to say; the relevant communication skills to do anything else.

Home life isn’t what I want it to be either and it’s been this way since I moved back to mum’s in August. I don’t wish to make this personal; all I’ll say is that I feel ‘trapped’ here; confined to my room and lacking in my own creative space to write, to learn and practice one of my three guitars and to create again, through art.

Those are just a few of the disturbances and I can recognise and release from my mind this evening… Well, I’m able to put them down on to the screen infront of me, even if they still exist in my head. See, I told you I was my own biggest critic. 😛

Actually, I’m looking for another evening course to start soon in the hope that I can keep a part of my brain occupied… I just need to decide on what to do and then, to get my application in ASAP.

 

T’ai Chi, Anyone?

Talking to someone earlier, she told me how she has used martial arts in the past to build on her confidence. I know from my brief experience in counselling that meditation can work well for me and, as a kid, I always wanted to learn karate; I never had the confidence to even admit to it; fearing that I wouldn’t good enough.

Now, I’m an adult; moving ever closer to the big 3-0. I’m growing within myself and, as the persistent grey clouds Christmas begin to clear, I’m looking forward with more optimism for myself. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday, where I’ll again raise my issues with depression and will enquire about the availability of CBT among other things.

(Photo credit: Londontaichi.org.uk)

As you might have already guessed, I’m also thinking about the possibility of learning some form of martial art this year.

Have you ever tried T’ai Chi?

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Daily Prompt: Immortalised in Stone

Here is today’s daily prompt:

“Your personal sculptor is carving a person, thing or event from the last year of your life. What’s the statue of and what makes it so significant?”

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Day 5 – Something You Hope to Do in Your Life

There really aren’t any one-word answers to these questions… I can think of several goals, targets and even dreams that I would like to achieve within my life time (currently twenty-seven). It would be too easy to list them here or, to focus on one of that may not mean significantly more than another. So, I’m going to focus on one that I discreetly fear I could fail to achieve.

Day 5 – Something I Hope to Do in My Life

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